Review of Priest (2011) by Eatmyreviewdawg — 14 May 2011

Here's my attempt at a non-biased review. The movie overall was not good. One of the things that erked me the most was the main character. For one the actor was not what you'd call a good choice. Don't get me wrong he wasn't bad, but he did not fit. A skinny little white guy with a cross on his face is going to save the world from a vampire threat? Ewwww not going to fly. Plus, lets also add in that his fight seens really weren't to immaculate. Yes, he did kill vampires in various ways which was pretty cool, but then at the end when he had to fight the main bad guy he just got **** up. He really got **** up. Now im aware that he is only a vampire killer and he should only do well against vampires, that in and of itself destroys the badass thing that the movie was going for. Yeah he's pretty cool fighting **** that he knows how to kill and that he can kill easily, but when it comes something a little bit stronger he just gets destroyed. There was no improv from his part he justs get beaten up and then saved by the girl priest. Not very badass......at all. So the writing for the main character could have been much better and then they definately needed a new actor, I'd say vin diesel, or "The Rock" or maybe Jason Statham or someone along those lines.

On to the next thing. The whole idea of the Priest(In the movie) was pathetic. They had no special ability, no magic power, no trick up their sleeve, nothing. They were just some people who were basically ninjas but with the word priest not ninja. This was probably what **** the movie the most for me. The priests weren't special in any way. They just had some cool blades and some hoods(Which they never **** wore!). I mean the whole idea doesn't make sense. I understand it is a movie and it doesn't need to be completely reallistic, but this to me crossed the line. You mean to tell me trained soldiers with rifles that can kill vampires just as easy as the priests little daggers couldn't handle the vampire threat? "Well you saw, the vampires were hard to shoot" No Hicks **** blows straight up. He was useless the entire time, maybe killed 5 vampires or so and then did nothing else the entire movie. My point is, they gave no reason for priests to be needed. They had nothing special the just were quick and used daggers. Thats it! They needed to have some special thing like they were taken at a pure age which gave them the ability to combat the vampires, or God came down and imbued them with the ability to be able to fight them, or they had magical abilities that they could use.( No, I haven't read the **** novel, all of this is based off the movie, so if they're special in the novel then im sorry.) But as far as im concerned I could have taken a civilian from the movie trained him how to shoot and be quick and he could've done a **** ton better than the priests.

The final thing that I didn't like was the vampires themselves. No it's not because they weren't like twilight, or 'cause they werent handsome and elegant, or cause they were just feral beasts or stupid **** like that. No thats not it at all. The writer can make the vampire whatever the **** he wants its all up to his imagination they dont need to be anything, in fact I like how he did it, as far as I know it was unique it didn't follow twilight or blade or all the bull****. The one thing that they did was that the vampires did not live up to the story in the beginning. And that's my only problem. In the legend they **** ripped people to shreds and split them in half and pretty much mutilated humans. Now dont get me wrong im not a bloodthirsty gore**** idiot, I dont need movies to be bloody and gorey to be good. But when in the **** opening they are ripping people to shreds and then in the movie he sees his brother after the attack and he has a scratch on his face, I ask myself what the **** happened. Did they just dumb down or something what is this.

So all in all the movie made no **** sense(Vampire reservations was a big one, not gonna get into that), nothing lived up to what it was supposed to(Priests were lame, Main character sucked, Vampires were about as brutal as a pack of puppies, and the main guy who took a **** cross-blade to the throat and was fine died to an explosion which was **** lame), It had a lot of useless characters(Hicks is the biggest **** one, jesus christ I would have rather had the **** asian kid from Indiana Jones there. At least he never threatened Indie with a gun.) And then the cast was just **** The main character was about as badass as a girlscout, the other girl priest was, for lack of a better term, ugly, the main bad guy actor was the best I thought). All in all, Priest was not good at all, waste of time, waste of money, dont watch it.