Review of Pinocchio (2022) by Jmarshallca — 08 Sep 2022

Disney still uses the original movie's signature song as part of its brand image. The 1940 film defined the Disney spirit. Apparently, though, this doesn't rescue it from being another tired, exploitative tentpole for modern Disney.

The movie is at its best when it makes some small tweak or addition to the original film. It's okay when we get to watch an enthusiastic performance or a pretty CGI spectacle. It's lame when it tries to be modern, like one of many forced cameos, terrible popculture references, or baffling new elements that go completely unexplained.

It falls apart when you realize Pinocchio has gone from a precocious but easily distracted little kid, to a bland chatterbox that mostly states what is happening, repeats back what other characters have said to him as a question, and then says what he ought to have done instead of what he actually does. He usually gets into trouble by random chance, rather than any action he takes. He's gone from a flawed bit lovable hero, to a bland reciter of exposition.

Overall: the performances range from fun to irritating, it's quite pretty when it's not distractingly fake, the titular character is now a boring twit that lets the plot happen to him, and overall, it feels like a movie that has no idea why its 82-year-old progenitor was such a classic.