Review of Phenomena (1985) by Sarah E — 14 Jun 2008

Not a big fan of Euro-cult I am.

But I had a 15% off coupon from Barnes and Noble. Too bad they also had a "Buy 2 DVD's, get the 3rd Free" sale. And there was the Bava Box, the second Bava Box, and the new Argento set. Well, I guess if that was ever a sign to catch up on the genre that I had fallen behind on, that was it.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD! Phenomena starts off fairly boring. I mean, sure, there's the initial murder and that snagged me fairly quickly. I'm sorry, but starting off the film with a decapitation in the first five minutes means some sh*t is going to go down in this movie. I wasn't disappointed, but it took a while to get into the really gold standard stuff. Most of the movie is about Jennifer Connelly and her issues with sleepwalking and bugs. She talks to Donald Pleasance (a star rated all to himself) and a monkey (another star just for the monkey!). It's a very convoluted way to get to an awesome end, let me explain that right now. Really, I can say that this is a fun movie for the final twenty minutes of the movie.

I don't think I've seen anything so exploiive in my life than what I saw in Phenomena. Now, I'm used to the wildly deformed child being a good scare in movies. Hell, Friday the 13th made it a staple. But imagine if little kid Jason in the lake did more than grab the girl in the end. Yeah, I know. Imagine a giant battle involving bugs eating that child while the kid is on fire. Now make that kid initially ten times uglier than Jason Voorhies. Oh, and the lake their fighting in is kind of making his rotting flesh a stew. YEAH! Dario Argento is a sick f*ck. Then there's the monkey.

I knew that Jennifer Connolly couldn't have gotten away with it that easily. I mean, sure, this was more of a challenge than most horror movies throw at their heroine, but you could just smell it in the air that there was going to be a lot more sh*t going down and I love the fact that Argento didn't disappoint. Not in the least. I mean, having a monkey go to f*cking town with a razor blade that he found in the trash. Now, what most directors would do is have the monkey attack and maybe pan to a nearby tree showing the blood splurt and the sound of a woman screaming. F*ck that. That kind of filmmaking is for people with souls. (As the Europeans like to call them..."pussies.") Argento shows every gruesome moment and just made my jaw drop. Honestly, in my widlest dreams, I never thought I'd ever see a monkey carve a woman's face apart with a straight-razor.

It's a fairly contained movie, if not a little scatterbrained. Most of the movie involves the absolutely insane school and Connelly talking to poorly animated bugs. I'm normally terrified of bugs, but in this case, it's not an issue. Also, it should be mentioend that this has the most amazing heavy metal / hardcore rock 80's soundtrack in the world. Everyone's on this. Unfortunately, death metal occasionally scores really slow, solemn moments...but I guess that made the movie go a little faster.

End of the day, this is a damned fun gorefest. I realize that they're not all going to be like that. (I've already watched Do You Like Hitchcock? and not nearly as good.) But I hope that this is a sign of good things to come.