Review of Pearl Harbor (2001) by Maxim A — 04 Dec 2015

Pearl Harbor is just a romantic and excruciatingly wimpy movie that has so much inaccuracies that makes it a superbly distorted abomination. This is not a movie, this is a parody to one of the most traumatizing tragedies ever. It is an insult to the people who lost their lives. IT'S A DISGRACE. Even the 40-minute action scene cannot save it from the garbage that is. I can't believe Michael Bay is so negligent, overindulgent and most of all, a complete sorry excuse of a filmmaker. Imagine if Steven Spielberg directed it. It would've already been an actual blockbuster and a fucking masterpiece because we all know what kind of great traits he possesses. It has a dialogue that is just as painful as watching Jack and Jill! It's cheesier, wimpier and even worse than Titanic in every aspect. A 3-hour romance even a 3rd grader can agree it's plain stupid. Distinctively cliched with a mesmerizingly awful dialogue portrayals that'll drop your jaw from idiocy. The story has nothing to do with the tragedy, because its main focus in on that filthy romance that we all know what it is.............OK?! A movie that has to do nothing with the real event. What Bay does is fabricating things, distorting historical facts and make up whatever he wants. A bunch of sorry-ass soldiers who are wagering for bullshit like who's the better man and vice-versa (to me, they are mannequins). It's an inadequacy from start to finish. I won't even talk about the movie's plot because IT'S A HUGE PARODY AND THE WHOLE MOVIE IS AN INACCURACY TO THE ACTUAL EVENT!

Oh and on top of that, here's in what we all believe, the most inexplicably mediocre dialogue that infuriates us deep inside in our hearts from its cheesiness!

-Ben Affleck: "You are so beautiful it hurts".

-Kate Beckinsale: "It's your nose that hurts".

-Ben Affleck: "I think it's my heart".

HOLY FUCK! ARE YOU A MORON MICHAEL BAY OR YES?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

But what this movie has to do with it...........................NOTHING! JUST SIMPLY NOTHING. God dammit this movie is so bad, even a professional history teacher would shake his head from its shamelessness.

My conclusion: Pearl Harbor may have a legitimately good soundtrack by Hans Zimmer, but that wouldn't say enough to the unmitigated idiotic attempt from Michael Bay to direct a movie based on a tragedy. He simply can't do it. He is lazy, graceless, putrid, unceremoniously awful, unprecedentedly disgusting with a very mere knowledge of direction and a bully to the audiences. If you want to see a movie based on this tragedy, go watch Tora! Tora! Tora! instead.

"December 7th, 1941. A day which will live in infamy" - Franklin Roosevelt.

Grade: F- (My grandest seal of disapproval).