Review of Ninja Assassin (2009) by Chriss M — 06 Sep 2010

Ninja Assassin is a disgrace to Japanese cinema, not even good in a so-bad-its-good kinda way. An embarrassment.

The dialogue was written in an attempt to make it seem profound, you know: in the cliché way all Japanese 'sages' speak in American movies. Very cringeworthy, and not even self-aware. The fact that everyone in the movie (including the Japense yakuza- stationed in Japan) speaks English is a real annoyance as well, actually its more than an annoyance, it's infuriating.

The dialogue being ridiculous isn't such a problem though, since all of the characters are completely two dimensional and would have nothing worth saying even had the script been Shakespearean. Add to that the fact that the acting is pretty bad too, and you really don't want a drama out of this farse anyway.

Nevermind that though, I'm getting ahead of myelf. Developing characters is something even a skilled director can stumble with, so lets lower our standards, shall we? I don't think its too much to expect a somewhat developed plot. Well, James McTeigue believes it is. Instead, we're offered one of the most idiotic storylines I've yet come across. The film doesn't make any logical sense, not to mention the commercially stupid move of combing East and West. Bad, bad idea. The story is also littered with mundane, annoying styleless flashbacks, which just make the movie even longer, longer than anyone should ever have to watch this film.

The reason people watch a movie like this is for the action scenes, many of the other criticisms of the film could actually be rendered irrelevant had the action scenes in the movie been artfully directed with stylish choreography. Unfortunately, the film is just an utter failure. There is no redeeming qualities. The abhorrent CGI, the boring, lifeless direction, the poor cinematography, the film has absolutely nothing.

I guess the film was attempting to be like a video game, and it succeeds at that. Take that as a compliment, Mr. McTeigue, if you wish, because that's all you're going to get.

PS- I wrote this review half way through the movie, then checked it and slightly edited it at the end, so you can add banal to the criticisms.