Review of Night Train to Terror (1985) by Justin A — 07 Feb 2016

I think many have already covered it. This movie is really bad, yet somehow enjoyable. This is one of those movies that not only crosses the so-bad-it's-good boundary, but laps it twice. The movie moves so fast that it's difficult to even comprehend what is going on. It really is like watching a movie on fast forward.

Still, despite all this it's still enjoyable. You just get all the good stuff like laugh-out-loud decapitations and stop motion animation goodness (which is awful at times). I imagine the individual movies were abysmal before being edited into this anthology.

The first story, "Harry", is probably the worst of the three. It is impossible to follow in the short 30 minutes it's edited down to, though I can't imagine sitting through it for an hour and a half. The only redeeming part of this segment was the decapitation, which should be a youtube clip out there. It's one of the best parts of the movie.

The second story, "Gretta", is the best of the three, though still has the "so-bad-it's-good" charm. It's just the most unique of the three stories. Unfortunately, the story doesn't get wrapped up and it just stops with a summation of what happens to the characters later in dialogue. The good news is Vinegar Syndrome has the entire movie on the Night Train to Terror blu-ray. I will one day have to check the full movie out.

The final story, "Claire", is okay, but nothing special. It's the easiest to follow of the three stories, though the first five minutes are all over the place. I'm not sure how I would feel about the movie, but as a segment it was awesome. Multiple scenes with stop motion animation that is so bad it has to be seen to be believed. You get scenes where live characters are cut to terrible claymation doubles. It's wonderful and goofy and had me laughing so hard it hurt. Without these scenes this segment would fall flat, but thankfully we get to see them in all their glory.

There isn't much to the God vs. Satan story that bookends the movie. It's just the two of them talking and introducing the individual segments while some band endlessly plays the same song in another caboose. The song has its charm, but wears out very quickly. My favorite line during these segments was God saying he can both laugh and cry, and that's what music does. Well, you'll be laughing and crying at the same time by the fiftieth time you hear "Everybody's got something to do, everybody but you!".