Review of My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) by Light%20 T — 04 Oct 2017

Unless you're one of 'those' guys (you know who I'm talking about), you're not going to enjoy this. I'll be honest, I couldn't even make it to the end of this thing, just up and left.

The story revolves around the magical ponyland of rainbows and sunshine being invaded by the eeevil Scarface Brokenhorn (who, if the ugly armor, tomahawk hair and pollution chugging airship wouldn't have given it away, is actually very very evil). After anyone who could actually do something to turn this drawn-out as hell plot be resolved in a couple minutes (they're a Sun and Moon goddess for crying out loud) being taken out by a cheap plot-device, it's up to Princess Cardboard Cutout and her band of misfits: A tryhard cool girl with rainbow hair, a coutry farmer, a character too shy to have any relevance to the plot, a bimbo who'd rather get mutiliated than have stray hair and a screetching pink idiot who kept reminding me I can't mute the film in the theatres, to save the day. During their EPIC quest for the McGuffin they meet various scrapped concepts from Disney's trashbin to help beat the bad guys. It's run-on-the-mill, clichéd story you already know how it will end.

So characters and story are trash, but at least it looks good right? Well, no, it's actually nauseating. The backgrounds are mostly poorly rendered 3D, while the characters are 2D hand-drawn models that are either on ones or twos. It looks jarring, stuttering and just all over the place. Adds to the picture of the sometimes outright nightmarish overexaggerated facial expressions and you can have a general picture of how much corners were cut here.

There were songs in this thing but I've completely forgotten about them, so that speaks for itself I'd say. Also apparently Sia is in this movie... no, like she actually is, in pony form. She looks hideous compared to the normal characters.

Overall the only reason I gave this a single star is the voice acting. Most of the characters have pleasant and fitting, if a bit too forced-on tones that fit their one-dimensional personalities (or even lack of thereof). Other than that, this is just a petty, blatant and cheap toy commercial with some action so it can say 'we're not girly, guys, I swear'. If you absolutely have the need to see this, then please, don't do it in a theatre.