Review of Murder on the Orient Express (2017) by Definitelymayb — 01 Dec 2017

Wow what an amazing piece of turd that Kenneth Branagh has managed to make again. Although I've haven't read the Murder On the Orient Express,but have read other Poirot stories and had followed David Suchet's excellent portrayal, this adaptation is a complete disaster of a film that is only serviceable at best. Whilst the production design is good and had some fun moments at the beginning, this is a 'detective story' (and I use the term loosely here) that thinks its doing detective work, but is in fact too busy trying to be a social justice lecture instead. It manages within it's short running time to artificially shoehorn a random chase scene,a bizarre ill-conceived interracial subplot which I'm pretty sure wouldn't be in the original, definitely race-baiting that works throughout the film, an underexplained and underdeveloped backstory that is vital to the plot (I am bewildered why Branagh doesn't do this at the start of the film) and perhaps the worst denouement that has been ever put on screen. The problem with this adaptation isn't because it doesn't add anything new or that its technically wrong, its because it manages to butchers the entire story with some really atrocious filmmaking. 1) Arguably the most egregious problem with this adaptation is that Branagh manages to completely rush the detective work and underdevelop a large majority of the characters. He completely side-steps most of the detective work that should be expected of this film by hardly introducing to a majority of the characters where by the end of the film I hardly knew what their names were because they hardly appeared on screen on at interacted with one another. Some characters are completely forgotten but magically reappear when needed to advance the plot. Although Branagh decides to make Poirot as the central element of the film, this is a complete misstep due to the fact we never understand any of the characters alibis or in fact how they interact. It feels so rushed and lacked any care that by the end where one character is also stabbed, this is quickly forgotten by the next scene and never mentioned again until the end. It is utterly bizzare and the worst kind of sin to commit in a detective film where details and continuity matter. What I suspect is that a lot of scenes were cut from this film and that the filmmakers decided to focus on this bizzare thesis the films try to make out throughout which is that there are grey areas to life?

2) The pacing is all over the place. Whilst the beginning is enjoyable as a Hollywood specatcle. It hurts the film the most because we spend nearly 40 minutes before the actual crime is committed. As a result, the film by the middle is rushed to the death. There are odd cuts of time throughout the film where you never quite know how he is progressing with the case. This is so bad by the end that they decide to immediately cut to the denouement without even giving clues to who could have done it. By the middle and the end, these scenes are fired at the audience so fast that its intention is probably to distract the fact they forgot to build any of these scenes up naturally. A random action scene is cut in the middle of this to create tension maybe? But yet the film never feel tense or anythng remotely dangerous as other poirot stories. Branagh manages to stuff up what makes Poirot books great but forgetting that a lot of other adaprtation lets the characters talk to each other and only show clues to who could've done it. This film does it at the beginning but quickly forgets about this exercise which in turn makes it a mess of a script. 3) Bad creative decisions. By now you have probably heard of the overshot camera shots which does happen a couple of times. Yes they are distracting and are unnceessary given it be much better if we could see the character's reaction. I think Branagh intention thorughout his shots is to show how cramp and tense the situation they are in but this is completely undercut throughout the film by exterior shots that are CGI heavy meaning all that tension never simmer away. Perhaps another awful thing is that the tale never feels real because all the other passengers and cooks are never again shown despite the fact the train is super long. 4) Not enough character work. For a detective film, you would think the film will spend the majority of its time trying to develope a motive and interaction between our suspects. However Branagh decides he is above this sheet and decides not to do any of it. The film litereally diverts from this with a crude montage of the characters that should be given most screen time but bypass them all together. Judi Dench, William Dafoe, Penelope Cruz & Michelle Piffer are all victims of this bizzare choice meaning we never really understand what is happening.

In conclusion, this is by far one of the worst detective film and adaptaion put on screen. ITs a shame because I want to see more of this genre but this fails bad.