Review of Murder on the Orient Express (2017) by Chris L — 13 Nov 2017

**Slight disclaimer: My "reviews," are really just gut reactions that I can remember and jot down. Forgive the sloppy styling, grammatical errors and general upheaval of my writing. While I do try and write something cohesive and obeying film review etiquette, mostly I say fuck that. What I love about film is going with the surge of emotions I feel, especially during a particularly bad film or a great film. I try and likely fail to translate that feeling into my writing but hey, I warned you. You can stop now and I'll never know.

Murder on the Orient Express.

Watched 11/12/2017.

Kenneth Branagh is a good filmmaker, let me just start there. Shot on 65mm film, Murder absolutely drips in scenic beauty, classy details, and vibrant colors, each frame of the film has something to marvel at. The thing is just gorgeous. Now with pleasantries out of the way let's dig in.

I hate, hate, hate writing synopsis's, so let this little quip get you in the proper headspace. There is a murder on a train. Bam, that's all you need to know. The themes play nicely with a lot of mystery and a little claustrophobia. While the film is visually dazzling, it doesn't quite keep the pace and story moving through a 2 hour run-time. I really wanted to like this movie, it opens so incredibly strong and fascinating, it builds a world that I want to be in, but it gets derailed (HAHAHAHA GET IT??) once we board the Orient Express. The colorful characters clam up, in secrecy and none of them had the charm to keep me interested in trying to figure who done did it.

The point where I basically check out is when, get ready, the one who is murdered was the only character I found interesting (besides Branagh's excellent portrayal of Hercule Poirot). One thing that is a no-brainer in film is: one awesome character cannot carry an entire film, well at least not one that requires so much thinking and dialogue as this. Sure, I can watch Schwarzenegger, kill bad guys for 72 hours straight, mainly because it gives me my crass, caveman fulfillment of violence, but Orient is carefully crafted. It's a slow burn, it challenges us to keep up with it, yet I quit pretty early on. The problem is, I don't give a shit about any of them, I couldn't root for anyone, thinking back on each character is hard, none of them were memorable (except for Branagh of course) and the one who was is killed early on. Thinking back on the film it's like a puddle of flesh, with different hair pieces and mustaches.

There is a nice resurgence at the end when, big shocker, they get off the train. Man, what a concept, a train movie that is best before we board and after we disembark. This is not a bad movie...it's painful because there is so much potential here for an amazing murder mystery, occupying a beautifully crafted set piece.

Go see it, support 70mm productions, but I just wish this one had the edge to really make it stand out.

3/5.