Review of Machete (2010) by James W — 22 Jun 2014

Machete don't text, but Machete shoots, slashes and fights his way through a barrage of corrupt politicians, professional killers and hit men in one of the most ridiculously enjoyable movies ever, it's mercifully nutty and gloriously bloody.

Robert Rodriguez directs superbly, tongue in cheek style, highlighting the power of his characters by giving them authority and stance with low angle camera shots and some slick slow motion. The gore is sensational to the point of hilarity, Machete stabs an attacker, rips his intestines out and jumps of a window using the intestines as a rope, where beforehand a hot nurse tells him the length and strength of these insides. Then there's Cheech Marin's nasty death where he's nailed to a crucifix in a darker scene where the gore is disturbing rather than comical, but boy this is a fun movie.

There's a bucket load of action, and the revolution finale is one of the best endings to an action flick in recent memory where the whole cast come together for the ultimate showdown. For me though the cast is the best aspect of this 2010 feature. Danny Trejo is serious but a complete blast to watch, he is the king of B-Movies and Machete is his A-Game. Alongside him is Jessica Alba as a driven immigration agent who aids Machete on his revenge ramp, Alba won a Razzie award for worst supporting actress, how is that even possible? She kicks ass and is really strong in her role, the least deserving award. Lindsay Lohan, Robert DeNiro, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Steven Seagal and company leave an impression, each delivering either top deadpan humour, great one liners, kickass moments or all three, Lindsay Lohan was hilarious.

Michelle Rodriguez is the one who steals the screen with her incredibly sexy and dominating performance as Revolutionary leader She', or Luz as she is known. Rodriguez is so believable as a fighter for good, and boy does she look crazy hot in her topless skintight fighting gear, when she steps out that ambulance holding an enormous gun, best moment of the film.

Machete Kills may be the bigger and better sequel but Machete is still a fun time, I have no criticisms but I think 80% is fair enough, but it's certainly one of the best B-Movies ever.