Review of Machete (2010) by Meritcoba — 12 Apr 2017

Guess who? There is Robert Rodriguez and there is his pal Quentin Tarantino. One of the two excels in masterful dialogue, great scenes, powerful and well-cast movies, the other is a hack.

Had Machete been done by Tarantino, would it have been any better? I wouldn't know for sure, but perhaps the dialogue would be better and the scenes and the music and the direction and the cinematography and the plot.. well okay it would have.

The charm of this movie lies with Danny Trejo and his machete wielding is fun for about ten minutes, as long as the fake trailer that inspired this movie. For the remainder of this feature you have to like the b-movie style that Rodriguez masters in. It is pawned off as some form of art. I agree, when making movies in the style of second rate movies(or even third rate) has become art, it certainly is. And you don't have to agree that it is art if you don't like to. Art is toilet paper.

Highlights in the movie are Steven Seagal as bad guy(which I personally think he is better suited for) and Lindsay Lohan as bimbo daughter who does anything to get attention. Yes, there is irony. I also like Michelle Rodriguez because I like her. Oh and Jessica Alba is also in it. There is little else to add. Well, Robert De Niro plays himself and a gray Don Johnson puts in an appearance(wow, where have you been dude?), both as bad guys.

Like most of Rodriguez's movies, this one is a bit of a dud. Fire and forget. Watch if you do not have something better to do. If that is the case, you probably need to refocus on your life or get drunk(or tripping). In the latter case, you are in the right frame of mind to watch this movie. Just remember to throw up when the pregnant girl gets shot in the belly and again when a girl gets her eye shot out. Gosh, it might even become campy. Cheers, mate.