Review of Lock Up (1989) by Hunter S — 12 Aug 2007

[b]After Lockup Sid the Elf says DTA is now DTL which stands for Dynamic Tantayzing Leone[/b].

In Lockup, the old boy Sly Stallone, plays Frank Leone (hence our great title). Leone is without question the most beloved tragic figure in modern American cinema. He is a rough and tumble yet lovable parpadelle and brocolli eating machanic who remarks on a nice kiss from his girlfriend by simply saying "that's Italian." It doesn't really make any sense to us, either. But it makes sense to Leone, and that's just going to have to be good enough. This film did NOT recieve its due ammount of critical acclaim or box-office sucess. We, Sid the Elf, have just one question: why?

Lockup has everything you can ask for in a movie. It has a really tough nut to crack in the ledgendary Chink Webber, who gives us so many great lines. For example "Move it Ace, that's my spot," and "When are you going to paint your nails and start answering to the name (explitive deleted)?" You have First Base, who contributes a heaping helping of comedy just by speaking. There's the immortal Eclipse, who touches the heart when the solitary tear rolls down his face at witnessing the destruction of his baby, Maybeline(a car by the way). And, if the room doesn't get officially dusty when Leone is seemingly caught trying to escape because his close friend, Deep-fried Dallas rats him out then you have no soul.

We could go on for pages and pages on Lockup because it is one of Sid the Elf's favorite movies. We were discussing this during our current screening, which kicked off our Stallone season, and we are putting it behind only the zenith of B Death Ring. So, naturally, Lockup gets the Sid the Elf Seal of Approval. See this movie! You'll thank us, yet again. That means everything's ok.