Review of Lazer Team (2016) by Sean H — 30 Jan 2016

In the time before DVR's and 1000 channels on cable, before remotes with favorites programmed in and a searchable program guide we used to do this thing called flipping channels. It is what it sounds like as you just flip from one channel to the next and wait for the program that happened to be on start playing before deciding to stay on that channel or to keep flipping. Once in a blue moon you'd come across a movie that wasn't terrible but wasn't great either but looked good and was competent enough in its production values that you might stay on that channel and watch it for a while. For me that movie always seemed to be Deep Blue Sea. I loved seeing Samuel L Jackson get eaten and before long you end up watching the whole damn thing. Lazer Team is the Deep Blue Sea of 2016.

It's amazing what competent acting can do for a film. This Queen has seen some smaller movies with some terrible actors cast in smaller parts that completely ruins the overall production value of the entire piece. Lazer Team features a surprisingly large cast for such a small film and doesn't have any bad actors in the film. Which is good because the movie is mostly terrible. But in a good way. An alien species has declared war on us and is sending their warrior down to fight our warrior for the fate of Earth. As they are billions of light years away we have a few decades to prepare for it. The US Government selects Adam and grooms him from birth until the penultimate moment that he will receive a special suit from the alien species to be adequately equipped to do battle. That is until the ship carrying the suit is shot down by some drunk morons using fireworks. The find the suit, all 4 of them try on a piece and it genetically locks onto them so that they can't take it off.

The four morons are a high school quarterback who can't throw straight that naturally gets the laser cannon arm piece, a Sheriff's deputy who gets the shield, a broken down drunk who used to be a running back for the same high school who gets boots of speed and a slightly mentally retarded guy who gets the helmet that makes him intelligent. They get to exorcise their own personal demons while learning to fight together to save mankind.

Lazer Team definitely has its moments like a cameo from Neil deGrasse Tyson and some riffs on pop culture. There are certainly worse ways you could spend your Tuesday night. But no its not great either. A step above or perhaps below Sharknado, depending on your sense of humor. I did laugh out loud a few times. Once they realize they cant take the suit pieces off the movie follows a pretty predictable story line but all in all its kind of entertaining.

This Queen was reasonably entertained. 2 out of 5 rainbows.

1 rainbow - How did this get funded?

2 rainbows - You might find something of interest here but unlikely.

3 rainbows - Serves as a useful and entertaining enough distraction as a matinee.

4 rainbows - Stop reading this review and find a theater showing this film now!

5 rainbows - I'll need to find a spot for this in my Top 100 list. Absolutely flawless.