Review of Knowing (2009) by Lloyd S — 30 Jun 2014

Let me spell this movie out for you, don't worry about spoilers because you absolutely DO NOT want to see this film. A young girl in 1959 seems to be possessed, she's hearing voices and apparently part of what those voices are telling her is a huge list of numbers. She writes them on a paper and drops them in a time capsule. In 2009 the capsule is reopened (who knows why they would reopen it only 50 years later when the students who filled it are mostly still alive and could just tell you the information) and the crazy girl's list of numbers lands in the hands of Nicolas Cage's son. Nicolas Cage is an MIT professor who is so brilliant that when he sees the numbers 09112001 he has to Google it to find out what happened on that date. Anyways...he finds that the numbers are actual a list of dates that saw tragic mass deaths, the number of fatalities, and the latitude and longitude of the events. Some of them haven't happened yet, so he sets off to try and stop them. Naturally he is incapable of stopping a plane crash or a subway car derailment, so the reason for him having the list of numbers is nonexistent. Yep, it's just a bit of information to let him know that everything is known in advance and you can't do anything to stop it.

But that's not all folks, and if you are concerned about spoilers I guess stop reading here, but I can't say this enough...DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WATCHING KNOWING! This is where Nicolas Cage discovers the last numbers on the page represent the date when all of humanity will die because the Earth will be destroyed. Meanwhile Nicolas Cage's son and the granddaughter of the crazy girl from the 50s are hearing the same voices and keep having interactions with strange men in trench coats. It turns out the strange men are putting the voices in their heads because they are alien angels! That's right, dear reader, it's the ever-popular (or should I say never-popular) blending of religious prophecy and science fiction. The alien angels want to take the kids with them to start a new Earth, of course leaving everyone else to die in a fiery blaze, because I guess they only have room for so many passengers. And that's literally how the movie ends. Everyone on Earth dies, and the 2 kids are dropped off in a CGI alien world meant to emulate a Garden of Eden vibe.

I cannot describe how stupid the entire premise of this film is, not one thing makes any sense. There is no logical reason for the aliens to possess these kids' minds, there is no explanation for why the numbers were passed down, and there is no mention of why the smooth stones that keep showing up everywhere are a running thread through the story. Also, despite this nutty plot synopsis I've given I'm struggling to find words to express just how boring the film is to watch. They have a few CGI moments of people/animals dying (did you know it's very easy to survive a plane crash but the fire afterwards is what will kill you?) but there is no emotional impact because we don't know these people. Our main protagonist literally does nothing to change the course of the story. So every time there is some action it lacks any impact on the viewer and therefore instead of being engaging it's just bland and uninteresting. If this is on your Netflix queue then run, don't walk, to remove it as soon as possible. You might actually be dumber for having wasted 2 hours on Knowing.