Review of Kites (2010) by Cyriac Abby P — 21 May 2010

Myth : as the name suggests, this is nothing about kites or anything they do, even though in the prologue of the movie, the really bad story teller (Rakesh Roshan) tries to put in a meaning for the movie with that name.

Basics : Kites is about J (Hrithik Roshan) who is a happy go lucky guy who does small time cheating stuff in Las Vegas casinos to make ends meet who then falls in love with a brutal casino owners daughter (Kangana Ranaut) for the love of money, who has an even more brutal brother ( played by some guy who you dont need to know about) who has a hot fiance (Barbara Mori - B grade queen) who actually has the hots for J. So they basically piss everyone off with their cheating love and go on a meaningless run all over Nevada and then Mexico.

Most Striking :

Barbara Mori's bikini lines. They look good. She should have done a swim suit calendar instead of this bull movie.

Hrithik Roshan's man boobs. I couldnt help noticing it, but his chest was way bigger than Barbara Mori's. Maybe he should have done a swim suit calendar too.

American Hinglish. Its annoying and it's disgusting.

Sub Plots - massively humorous because they are beautifully uneventful.

Action - Oh wait. There is no action. A lot of cars get smashed and toppled and J jumps from trains and trucks. Yaaaawwwn.

Songs - very forgetful. The music score comes in at completely wrong timing. When there is sadness, there is Hip-Hop. When there is action, there is a piano playing. Maybe the music directors made the songs while they were using the rest room.

Expendable characters - so many of them, that editing all of that, will make this movie a very meaningful 15 minute movie.

Barbara Mori's dumb smile and even dumber mexican talk. God. I felt like I should have carried a gun with me. I would have shot myself many times.

Screenplay - Charlie Chaplin movies have better screenplays.

Copy Cat techniques - not cool. Romeo+Juliet's introduction of love behind the aquarium is depressingly re done here and much more.

The Good :

Rain scenes. Beautifully shot, thanks to Sam Mendes. Most of the rain scenes are directly and nicely copied from Road to Perdition.

Inital Dance Sequence - Featuring Kangana Ranaut and Hrithik Roshan. It looks good on the big screen with stylized, well timed slo-mo captures. But then again, Hrithik's man boobs come in the way and Kangana's is made to look like shame.

What you should do - Go fly real kites. It's more fun.