Review of Jingle All the Way (1996) by Colin A — 08 Dec 2009

It's hard to imagine that it has been thirteen years since the world was exposed to Arnold Schwarzenegger's family Christmas flick Jingle all the Way. Upon its release the film was subjected to all sorts of critical panning, and tons of mockery by various media figures (my personal favorite were the skits Conan O'Brien did on Late Night). Say what you will about the film, for me I can't deny that there is some affection that I have for Jingle all the Way. It is a terrible film, but it is one that I find extremely easy to watch over and over again.

Jingle all the Way takes the typical overworked father who is too busy to pay attention to his child story, and wraps it around the hectic mayhem that ensues during the holiday shopping period. It's kind of strange to watch the film nowadays, since many of the jokes don't seem remotely funny as much as they seem in poor taste. At one point a toy store employee gets trampled when opening the doors to let in a crowd of eager shoppers, which doesn't seem that funny when you think of the poor fellow that was trampled to death at that Wal-Mart on Black Friday last year. And then there are the jokes of postal workers and bombs that really aren't funny at all.

But I'm not going to hark on those issues, since this film couldn't see in the future nor does it present itself like it exists in the real world. I like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and I even like Sinbad. But this movie doesn't put these two to great use, and reduces their characters of Howard Langston (Schwarzenegger) and postal worker Myron (Sinbad) to a series of unfunny and overly cliche situations. I imagine that the film is supposed to poke fun at the overly commercialization of Christmas, but in a way Jingle all the Way seems to condone it.

The ending to Jingle all the Way is one of the most ridiculous imaginable. As both Howard and Myron desperately try to obtain the hot Christmas toy of the year, Turbo Man, for their sons, the two battle it out dressed as characters from the Turbo Man show in the city's Christmas parade. It amazes me that Howard's son Jamie (Jake Lloyd) is put into harms way, and no one in the crowd of parade viewers realize that this isn't part of the show. And then things get really absurd when Howard, dressed as Turbo Man, uses his rocket pack to jet across the city skyline.

Schwarzenegger had no business making family friendly films, since the ones he made are quite terrible. But Jingle all the Way is one of the more entertaining. There are also a slew of supporting characters in the film that I liked; Phil Hartman especially as the man who is trying to bone Howard's wife. And then there are cameo roles like James Belushi as a Mall Santa selling bootleg versions of Turbo Man that were nice. Jingle all the Way is a rotten film, but one that isn't rotten to the core.