Review of Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001) by Daniel H — 09 Dec 2007

A musical dance number about the second coming, god talks to his son through a bowl of ice cream... uh, and Jesus teams up with the Mexican God of Wrestling to take out a a gang of lesbian vampires who walk around during the day with a second coating of grafted skin.

Bad. Terrible. Obscene. Low-Budget. There are so many hyperboles for this movie... and watching it amounts to yelling "What!?" at the TV every few minutes.

A batman style spinning screen transition with an image of Jesus on a cross, and the sound effect of "Jee-ssuuuuus!" A never ending clown-car filled van of Agnostic martial artists? All wrapped around a plot that so desperately wants to be a porn movie. Apparently, when all the actors are pretty much the directors closest friends, its hard to say "take your top off.", so basically its like a cheesy porn film without the porn... which, in some ways, is pretty refreshing.

Yeah. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. Wow, never seeing that again. But I'd never for a moment think that that would dissuade anyone from seeing a film like this... the premise is too absurd to pass up, nomatter how poorly done. Yet another fine example of cinematic rubbernecking.