Review of Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001) by Justin H — 07 Feb 2009

It's sad to see a movie with a premise this ridiculous fail so spectacularly to be entertaining. Sure, it had its moments--hence the three star review--but those moments were vastly overshadowed by its shortcomings.

First and foremost is the pacing. This film would have been eminently more watchable, had it been treated to better editing. But as it stands, there are a multitude of scenes that stretch on for at least twice as long as was necessary, and others that could have been cut altogether. The result is a sluggish chore of a movie to sit through.

Second is the dubbing. It's terrible, in a laughable way. But they use the same handful of voices to dub over ALL the characters, resulting in a few scenes where someone is literally talking to themselves. And it just doesn't work--all it does is come across as lazy.

Third, while "JC:VH" starts off on an enjoyable campy note, it quickly devolves into a poorly-written, poorly-acted, dull mess. Either the director was trying too hard, or lacked a proper grasp of what makes a movie like this entertaining. Whichever it was, it led to scenes that missed the mark, gags that fell flat, and characters that were just plain stupid, instead of absurdly funny.

There's a little fun to be had here, but it's quite a trial to sit through all the lackluster bits to get to it.