Review of JCVD (2008) by Kenny N — 25 Dec 2015

All is not well for former box office breaking badass Jean Claude Van Damme. The roles are getting crummier, the money is rapidly disappearing, and his own daughter is embarrassed that she has to go through life as his daughter, so she flocks to his ex-wife.

Van Damme leaves Hollywood and decides to start again in Belgium, his home country. But he ends up caught in the midst of a "Dog Day Afternoon" bank robbery, where he becomes the unwitting face of the whole operation due to a series of misunderstandings.

He's soon making headlines around the world, and there are scores of Belgians outside the post office cheering his name as he tries to figure out a way to not only get himself and the hostages out alive, but try to unravel the tangled ball of confusion and pain that has become his life.

Roger Ebert said that Van Damme's six minute monologue was a low point. I have never disagreed more strongly with one of my heroes in my entire life. In those six minutes, Van Damme muses on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness with the grace and poise of a classically trained Shakespearean actor.

He thinks, he questions, he cries, he conjures up memories both good and bad....all without a single karate chop or machine gun blast. Is Steven Seagal ever going to do that? I think not. Of course, this is for the most part pure fiction.

Sort of like "Seinfeld" if Seinfeld was played by one of the most polarizing figures in Hollywood, loved by some, hated by many because of his films. This is a thinking man's examination of what happens when action film stars age.

It is a most unusual adventure, but you'll certainly never forget it.