Review of Immortals (2011) by Jennetp — 28 Jan 2013

Skimming the user reviews, I noticed more consensus than usual with "Immortals." Most reviewers seemed to agree that the film features stunning visuals with weak storytelling; what they disagreed about was the relative value of these qualities.

Those handing out eights and nines tended to assert (or imply) that strong storytelling was unnecessary--possibly even detrimental--to an action film. Some claimed that criticizing the script was exposing shameful ignorance of what makes an action movie great: spectacle, gory spectacle, and really gory spectacle.

Red-zone reviewers, on the other hand, claimed spectacle was enhanced by strong storytelling--or even, in some cases, dependent upon it. My rating identifies me as one of this latter group--though perhaps not as adamant as some.

In part because I'm so charmed by the enthusiasm of green-zone reviewers ("more awesome than Zeus and Chuck Norris fighting to the death on a cloud of Ferraris"), I have genuinely tried to understand how good storytelling could be irrelevant to--or, more puzzling, could detract from--the visual and visceral thrills of a great action movie, but my own viewing experience seems to prove the opposite.

I simply can't think of a single action film that I would call great--or even good--despite weak storytelling. Which brings me to the truly inexcusable fault in "Immortals," which is that, in the character of Theseus, the filmmakers have strong storytelling already in hand.

Through plays, poetry, and prose, modern filmmakers have inherited an array of fabulous stories about the gods, demigods, mortals, and other creatures of Greek mythology. Especially the great warrior-king! So why don't they use them? This is not pedantry; it's genuine bafflement about why filmmakers would ignore rich, dramatic, coherent stories, all thousands of years beyond the reach of copyright, in favor of thin, sketchy, incoherent assemblages that, to add insult, they have to pay for.

I'm waiting for someone with Tarsem Singh's visual genius to tackle, say, THE BACCHAE, using Euripides's script.