Review of How to Eat Fried Worms (2006) by Markb. — 08 Oct 2006

The big question that nobody asks is, How do the worms feel about this? They're crawling along through the moist dirt, innocent as can be...and then suddenly they're brutally ripped away from their families and communities and forced to become the main ingredient in omelets, milkshakes and pasta dishes solely because two fourth-graders just can't get along.

If you've ever gone fishing in your life, chances are you won't give this a first much less a second thought, but if worms could go to the movies (or even see, for that matter) this would be their equivalent of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

[***SPOILERS***] Writer-director Bob Dolman, adapting Thomas Rockwell's children's novel about a squeamish new kid in the neighborhood who's forced to choke down 10 night crawlers in one day, is no stranger to amphibian abuse: he wrote the classic WKRP episode in which Herb Tarlek accidentally spray-paint his daughter's pet frog to death.

His film is frequently silly, overdone, forced and, of course, childish (a potentially interesting subplot which counterpoints the young hero's abuse at school with his dad's trial by fire at the office gets short shrift early on so the movie can devote more time to the greasy kid stuff), but parents who have grown weary of films like "The Ant Bully Becomes Everyone's Hero By Going Over the Hedge in the Barnyard During Open Season" might relish being dragged to a kiddie film featuring real live nonanimated human beings for a change.

As a director, Dolman is an extremely laissez-faire schoolteacher; the boys all overact and he lets them, so it's up to the girls to save the day. SCTV's great comedienne Andrea Martin is so lovable as a loopy schoolteacher that you wish she had a lot more screen time, and Hallie Kate Eisenberg (Beautiful, Paulie), as a sympathetic classmate who, despite being a girl and therefore relegated to the sidelines, is easily the coolest and smartest member of this fourth grade class, is a real natural; she truly listens to her fellow performers and her reaction shots are a joy to watch.

Even in those forgettable Disney movies Jodie Foster made in the 1970s before Taxi Driver rocketed her into the spotlight, you could definitely see that she was Headed For Big Things; Eisenberg has that same potential.