Review of House of Wax (2005) by Tiger L — 12 Jun 2014

Wow... House of Wax really is just one thing: Junk Food for the mind. Seriously, this one of the stupidest horror movies I've ever seen. Still, it feels as though the film is enjoyably stupid. Yeah it can be very boring and the characters are just tools pretty much. However, there's almost this enjoyment I get from watching such a stupid excuse for a film. Before I get started, I must point out that I haven't seen the original House of Wax made in 1953. All I know is it stars Vincent Price and people have told me it's a great film. Still I can't make any real comparisons between the two movies.

So six college idiots go on a road trip to the Football championship game. Among the six kids are obvious survivor Carly (Elisha Cuthbert) her Abs bearing twin brother Nick (Chad Michael Murray) Her disposal boyfriend Wade (Jared Padalecki) and air head destined to die Paige (Paris Hilton). Oh I almost forgot about Paige's disposal boyfriend Blake and some nerd named Dalton who are also destined to die. They all get stranded in some deserted town where murder is considered art. Our one dimensional serial killer just loves killing people and putting them on display in an old wax museum. And really that's one of the many problems with House of Wax. I really hate it when killers in horror films are not interesting. These types of villains just kill because the script tells them so. Just because some guy is in a mask acting creepy doesn't mean they're automatically frightening. I would like some kind of information about our knife wielding Psycho. Movies like Psycho and Halloween are great because we know who are killers are. Norman Bates was disturbingly obsessed with his mother while Michael Myers hates it when Teenagers have sex. This killer? He's just a guy who likes to make real people wax people because... reasons.

So how about our characters? Well honestly... they're fucking stupid. Excuse my language, but it's true. These college kids are so stupid! Whether it be wondering around a deserted town when they should be running for the hills or hiding in a car in obvious view. Remember that scene in Scary Movie 1 when Carmen Electra takes the death rout instead of the survival route? Well taht's what these idiots do constantly! Along with that, there's nothing to any of these characters. They are all just horror stereotypes that will eventually die because Horror movies have rules.

For the most part, the acting is okay. Chad Michael Murray, Jared Padalecki and Elisha Cuthbert are all passable in horribly written roles. The worst at acting in this movie is you guessed it, Paris Hilton. God, is she even awake in this movie? It's like she took a bunch of sleeping pills before coming onto the set. Even her death scene isn't that convincing. The pole she's killed with is better at acting than she is!

So what is so enjoyable about House of Wax? Well honestly it's the climax of the film. Seriously, the final fight scene inside the wax museum is rather fun and exciting. I mean it's nothing special but it's still a treat to watch. It was really a welcome change because most of the film is just boring. There are a lot of slow moments and needless padding. Maybe if the rest of the movie was just as exciting as the climax, House of Wax would've been a better Horror Flick.

All in all, House of Wax is a very dumb horror movie. It's one of those films that the Scream series would make fun of. Now that I think about it, that's another reason why House of Wax is enjoyable. It's a movie that can be mocked and elicit laughter intentional or not. It's really fun watching these morons for characters act like vapid and blank idiots. House of Wax might follow every Horror cliché in the book and might be boring at times, but it still can be enjoyed if you have the patience and love for bad movies.