Review of Hitman: Agent 47 (2015) by Marc D — 23 Nov 2015

Status Update? Mission Failed.

Trained and genetically engineered to be the ultimate killing machine, one agent will stop at nothing to put an end to a corporation's plans of creating an army of super assassins.

Award-winning Polish music video director Aleksander Bach makes his debut to the big screen with his first full-length feature film, Hitman: Agent 47, a "modern" reboot of the infamous 2007 video game adaption Hitman. Is it just me, or does it feel kind of silly to be rebooting a mostly forgettable film that's not even that old yet? Not that I hated the original, but I certainly never had the craving to watch it ever again. Obviously this raises a pretty obvious question: why did I bother watching this new Hitman film in the first place? To be quite honest... I have no clue. I suppose I often feel the need to give critically panned films a fighting chance as some of these underdogs end up becoming some of my most loved flicks. Take Neil Blomkamp's Chappie or the hilariously epic '90s slapstick comedy Beverly Hills Ninja for instance. Nevertheless, I have to agree with the bulk of the critics this time around. Despite having an unquestionably talented cast, this latest action flick doesn't really offer enough memorable moments worth mentioning.

Hitman: Agent 47 carries itself with cold and violent force, effortlessly keeping a straight face throughout, but that's not necessarily a compliment. Where the action sequences prevail, the yawn-inspiring script continuously sets things up for failure. Action without depth is like a grilled cheese without the cheese: dry, bland, and easily crumbles from its lack of integrity. Served with an unimpressive side of "thin plot" and a tall glass of "0.5 % character development," Agent 47 clearly failed to satisfy this action enthusiast.

Maybe if I would have played the video games that this film's loosely based on, I would have appreciated this live-action adaption a little more. Judging by most fans of the games themselves though, it sounds like they're genuinely disappointed with the misguided adaption of their beloved character, 47. Perhaps it's time studios give the green light only to directors who're actual gamers that have at least played the games the movies are based on. This certainly paid off in the recent Crackle original Dead Rising: Watchtower. But what's done is done, and from this poor attempt to reboot a potential Hitman film franchise, I'm betting we won't be seeing any sequels in the near future.