Review of Hitman (2007) by Jammer J — 12 Aug 2010

Admittedly, this reviewer has not embraced the video game culture since the antiquatedly pixilated days of, say, Q-Bert. Following this suicidal cubist?s retirement, however, the gaming market seems to have been saturated with such blood, guts, and sex shoot-em-ups as Doom, Halo, and Hitman. The latter has inspired a miscast Bourne knock-off so conspicuous that it should be sold out of a briefcase in the Port Authority Bus Terminal. A programmed killer with no real identity finds himself amid a conspiracy where he becomes the target and unwillingly falls for his hostage-?wow, and the screenwriter did not even bother to buy Robert ?The Bourne Identity? Ludlum?s remains dinner first before ravaging them.

Based on the hit video game, R-rated Hitman follows the adventures of Agent 47 (Olyphant), an armed and dangerous er, well, hitman who romances one of his intended victims (Olga Kurylenko)?-all while sporting a barcode on his neck.

Director Xavier Gens shows patience and restraint in rendering some scenes, but has the MTV-inspired attention span of a gnat in regards to others. His choice of cinematographer fails him as well, resulting in photography that is more head scratchingly murky than the intended, mysterious and diluted. Worst of all, Gens?s choice of leading man fails him dismally. While Olyphant has given a balls-to-the-wall intense performance as Sheriff Bullock in HBO?s Deadwood, his pale Kojak-coiffed assassin seems about as tough as, well, Q-Bert. He works hard but just does not have the ?It Factor? that has propelled Daniel Craig and Matt Damon to ass-kicking stardom.

Bottom line: Don?t take the Hit.