Review of Hidden Secrets (2006) by Jon M — 27 Oct 2009

I usually have a strict policy of writing reviews for movies in the order that I see them, and although I watched a couple of fantastic B-movies that have as of yet gone review-less, I feel compelled to write this...

Hidden Secrets may be the best Christian movie I have ever seen.

...Before the euphoria wears off.

I don't mean that this film is more humorous than Facing the Giants, although it is spectacularly funny. When I say that, I obviously am not referring to the stabs at humor that the movie tries to throw in to keep things light - the "I hate my wife" scenes, the hi-larious fall off of the roof - but instead, I am referring to, well, pretty much every scene involving Rhonda (Autumn Paul). When Gary casually refers to his work in stem cell research, the entire tone of the scene seems to change; the music gets dark and mysterious while Rhonda's eyebrows lower and her lips form into a scornful sneer. "Embryonic stem cell research?" she asks, smoke streaming from her nostrils.

The movie smacks of cheesiness. A group of disconnected pals meet up again after many years when their mutual friend passes away. Their differences in beliefs and lifestyles make it difficult for the group to manage to stay together in one house over the long weekend, but the titular secrets that they all share also makes it difficult for them to leave. There's the hardcore Christian, Rhonda, who is always damning everybody around her to Hell for transgressions that seem minor to the sane people in the room. There's Gary, the hard-line atheist who questions everybody's wacky beliefs, but (because this is a Christian film) lets every confrontation end in a draw. Then there's a smattering of in-betweens, the unsure or those curiously confident in the liberties that person has taken with his or her own religious beliefs.

Oh, it's a bad movie. A stinker, for sure. There are several scenes that pop right into my mind when I think of how ridiculous the film was, and not just for the nonsense ideas enjoyed by most of the characters. There's a scene wherein star David A.R. White is supposedly singing, but the voice on the soundtrack is quite obviously not his (and the ghostly maracas being played are strange, too). There is strange guitar music accompanying a scene that definitely does not call for goofy guitar music... in fact, it called for something completely different. There's the tired cliches that regretfully pop up: the hardened atheist turned to Christianity by the word of GodtheJesusFatherGhost and the dispositions of the good Christians he comes in contact with, the romantic comedy couple who come together after a misunderstanding, and so on.

But what I liked about the movie, what surprised me after following the Kendrick/Christiano wave, was how... un-offended the movie was. The Christianos especially are famous for trying to drive whatever wedge they can between their little Christian cult and the rest of the world. They aim to create divisions by demonizing science, by villainizing nonbelievers, and so on. Whereas Hidden Secrets has a message that falls more along the lines of: "You can dance if you want to.".

Yes, the movie is delightfully normal for a crazy Christian movie. The different factions throw out their lines, offensive the sensitive ears of those who feel differently than they do, and yet nobody blinks. They accept that other people disagree with their beliefs and don't take it personally. Of course, I am fairly annoyed with the fact that nobody took any time to think anything out critically (even the atheist/Jewish guy was a pretty rough sketch of an approximation of what an atheist/Jew might look like in real life). But that aside, I was impressed with the seeming commonsense approach that the movie took - one which says that you should focus on your own house instead of worrying about whether other people go out to clubs or drink or sleep in the same bed before getting married. Of course, I suppose the thinking for the Christian viewer could be something along the lines of "They'll get theirs in the end." But I saw it as a happy acceptance that not all people share the same beliefs. Again, I'm disappointed that the people in the movie refuse to examine themselves with a skeptical eye... but even the sensibility to admit that it's wrong to demonize stem cell research is a gigantic step in a positive direction from the Christian film genre.

Don't think I've gone mushy for the flick, though. I keep coming back to the sheer hilariousness that permeats so much of it. The weirdness that the filmmakers don't seem to be able to see from inside. I'm fully aware that I may not feel this strongly on a second viewing, but right now I am pretty excited about this strange little terrible gem.

And it's got Reginald VelJohnson in it!