Review of Henry's Crime (2010) by Alexandros A — 08 Apr 2011

Henry's Crime is a want to be comedy about a boring guy who goes to jail for a crime he didn't commit. Eventually said boring guy (Henry) gets out of jail and decides to commit the crime he went to jail for.

This movie was the one of the most boring and lifeless films I've ever seen in my life. A great deal of this is due to what Keanu Reeves says is "acting". f Keanu Reeves can act, then so can my grandma who is six-feet under a pile of dirt (Rest In Peace Yia Yia).

Kneanu Reeves plays his role with the enthusiasm of someone about to recieve a very thorough rectal exam. In fact I felt like I was recieving a rectal exam myself sitting more than half-way through this godforsaken pile of rubish before walking out of the theatre uttering "Fuck this Film, I'm going home".

I am by no means exaggerating. This may be worse than the Lake House (another pathetic adventure with the deadtroll known as Reeves). The only funny thing about this "romantic comedy" is the fact that Henry falls in love with a girl named Julie (Vera Farmiga) and she loves him back! How the hell can anybody relate to the complete lack of personality and life that is Kneanu Reeves and nearly every character he plays! He sucks every ounce of life out of this film. Vera Farmiga is a excellent actress but when standing next to the dull rock that is Kneanu Reeves none of this is apparent. Farmiga tries her hardest to make up for Reeves' complete lack of life but she unfortunately fails.

Only once before have I walked out of a movie (You Don't Mess With the Zohan, a dreadfully unfunny Adam Sandler film). I tried to sit through it to see if any gems lied at the end of this tunnel of hell but soon I realized that if there were any it wouldnt be worth sitting through the remaining 40 minutes.

How Reeves continues to get roles confuses me. When has ANYBODY said "Oh boy it's got Keanu Reeves! He's a great actor"? Never. No one has ever said that. Because Reeves doesn't give a shit. All he cares about is getting paid to walk around the screen like a lifeless zombie. He doesn't try. He barely injects any emotion into the film at all. Henry's Crime is a complete waste of your time and money. Go see Blue Valentine instead which is a film that moved me to tears.

James Caan was in this but I'm sure he really doesn't want people to know this.

Reeves you owe me 13 dollars you cheap, boring, lifeless bastard.