Review of Hellraiser (1987) by Samuel G — 15 Jan 2011
Clive Barker: The Michael Bay of horror.
Hellraiser was quite possibly the longest 1hour, 33 minutes and 27 seconds of my life. In all honesty, I am currently only at the 1 hour 5 minute mark, but I highly doubt that this film can nesstle itself into a soft spot for me. Its trash, and to add to this, (Spoilerish) the bit that I'm paused at is in the hospital while the little pink wanker is chasing the chick down the hall (she is presumably in hell, but just as easily as she went in she came out... hell is not exactly a well garded place, heck, if someones blood just so happens to spill where you previously ejaculated, they let you go!) and if you look closely (though fairly obvious) you can see that the creature is mounted upon a dolly. You can quite easily see the wheel, and even the platform!
To avoid the observation that I simply dislike this movie because it is poorly made, I will give my actual reason for hating it as much as I do: the plot sucks ass. And not only that, but the acting is bad. No matter how you look at it, this is simply a bad movie. To show just how much I hate this film, rather than giving reasons and explanations as to why I disliked it as much as I did, I will go strait into an abrupt ending inste-.
This review of Hellraiser (1987) was written by Samuel G on 15 Jan 2011.
Hellraiser has generally received positive reviews.
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