Review of Hawk the Slayer (1980) by Adrian M — 21 Apr 2004

Hawk the Slayer.

Like Proust dipping his Medeleine in his tea (which I did once and its a pretty revolting thing) I bought an album today called Franz Ferdinand and the final track reminded me of the theme music for Hawk the Slayer a sword and sourcery romp starring Jack Palance and a bunch of non enties. Man I really wanted to see this film when it came out. It was 11 and had read the Lord of the Rings 3 times and the Earthsea trilogy twice. This looked right up my alley. The IRA had blown up every cinema in Belfast and I was terrified that they would blow up the ABC cinema supposed to be showing Hawk the Slayer that Friday. They didnt blow up the cinema and I went , hardly able to contain my excitement.

The place was packed and to my amazement and horror the Cutest Girl in School arrived with her boyfriend. She sat next to me and the boyfriend was on the other side. She was two years older and man was she hot, imagine Julia Roberts between Pretty Woman and Mystic Pizza but with straight hair and none of the froggy features. In fact forget all that just imagine a very very hot 16 year old with her cold white arm on my armrest.

I spent ninety minutes gathering the courage to put my arm on the rest next to her and for the last five minutes of the film our arms were touching., maybe even rubbing slightly.

I dont know what happened in the movie, something nasty to Jack Palance I expect. and the sword flew.

Hawk the Slayer Five stars. [font=Times New Roman].

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