Review of Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) by Rebecca C — 23 Jan 2010

WHAT THE F&CK IS THIS SH^T!? What kind of jack@$$ greenlighted this sh@t anyway? Did the director even read the script?! No, better question did they even care?! This was one of the worst horror movies movies the critics have ever seen! Girard and the writers of this sh(t took the William Shatner-masked serial killer of Halloween legend, pulled down his tights, bent him over and raped him.

THEY FU@KING RAPED HIM! I mean, my god, they made him apear in part 5 for christ sake! Why in god's name would you do that? When the town police ignore his warnings that the madman Michael Myers has escaped his mineshaft tomb, Dr.

Loomis tries to persuade Myers' niece to help him trap the evil killer who has embarked on a bloody rampage through the town and then do know what happens if you don't -- you are one lucky bastard for the rest us -- we get Michael killing his innocent teenage prey none of the smart guys wanted to see that! .

..Well except maybe Donald Plescance but not too many but I'm getting off track here...Myers what the fu^k did you do now before I even begin to rip it to this character let me just say Don Shanks is playing him for this part.

Now who the fuck even decided to pick him for this part? Shanks is not the type of actor to be picked for major speaking roles he's best as an actor when possible and I think we can all agree. Also Michael was never really the type of villian to make annoying puns he was always more of a cold and emotionless villian he never really gave a shit anyone but at least hey got that part right in this stinker.

But that was not as annoying to me. Danielle Harris was a actress ever able to break the bat and when I say that I literally mean she bent him over his knee and snapped his spine like a twig after pushing Myers to his phsyical and mental limit.

In this sh#t they made into a big dumb henchmen with the IQ of a baby hell. But I have to agree with the Critics on the worst sin of this movie being the screenplay. I mean, what the f&ck does the Michael need with Girard so what if someone annoys him he would murder more teens my god.

This movie was one of the most epic fails in '89 almost as epic as epic movie comming soon to a toilet near you. I'm Rebecca Clark, Critic I give &$^@ movies the response they deserve no sugar coated bullshit whatsoever.

Thanks and good night everybody!