Review of Half Past Dead (2002) by Van R — 02 Jan 2009

Freshman writer & director Don Michael Paul's crime movie "Half-Past Dead" ranks as Steven Seagal's best action thriller since Andrew Davis' superlative "Under Siege" in 1992. Fully loaded with mayhem, machismo, and melodrama, this preposterous, predictable, but ultimately entertaining white-knuckler springs a surprise or two when you least expect it. Paul casts Seagal in the familiar role as a lone wolf "Die Hard" hero who disrupts a nail-biting hostage crisis at the most notorious of all U.S. prisons: Alcatraz and emerges triumphant against the longest imaginable odds. The twist in "Half-Past Dead" is that Washington, D.C., has renovated "the Rock." Now, the infamous Alcatraz has been converted into a high-tech, state-of-the-art, maximum security facility! Within this escape-proof penal complex, "Half-Past Dead" pits our hero against a flamboyant but pugnacious psychopath who refuses to call it quits. Heroes are measured by the villains that they topple, and dastardly Morris Chestnut holds his own against the resilient Seagal.

One of the pleasuresâ??if it can be described as suchâ??about any Seagal film is the invincible nature of our hero. Seagal can either conquer and/or kill the biggest and the worst enemies, not matter how statistically superior their numbers or their firepower, and he does it fearlessly. Were any other action hero actor to perform such a feat, we would be inclined to laugh at him. Indeed, many critics and commentators laugh anyway at Seagal, but they neither understand nor appreciate the Seagal hero. In literary circles, this knowledge that we as moviegoers have over Seagal's misguided adversaries is termed 'dramatic irony.' Dramatic irony simply means that we know something that the charactersâ??in this case, the villain--don't know. In most instances, dramatic irony also means anticlimax. If we already know that nobody can defeat Seagal, then why should be worry about his welfare. No, we should worry about his welfare. Instead, we should enjoy the way that he takes out his overconfident enemies.

"Half-Past Dead" unfolds with car-thief Sasha Petrosevitch (paunchy Steven Seagal) passing a portable lie-detector test so that he can join an international criminal syndicate. Sasha has been pals with top syndicate henchman Nick Frazier (Ja Rule of "Turn It Up") for two years. No sooner has Frazier gotten Sasha in good with the syndicate than FBI Special Agent E.Z. Williams (Claudia Christian of "Babylon Five") tries to bust Nick. Nick starts shooting. Everybody dives for cover. Shielding Nick, Sasha stops seven slugs. Sasha dies, but miraculously revives . . . twenty-two minutes later! Anybody remember a similar Seagal cop in director Bruce Malmuth's "Hard to Kill" (1990) who came out of a coma seven years later to kick butt? Eventually, Nick and Sasha wind up in New Alcatraz. Condemned convicts in New Alcatraz can choose one of five ways to die. As the first convict scheduled for execution, Lester (Bruce Weitz of "Deep Impact") prefers to fry. He made headlines when he held up a money train and got away with $200 million in gold bricks. Five Federal Agents accidentally died during the robbery. Judge June McPherson (Linda Thorson) has sentenced Lester to die and has arrived to witness the execution. Lester hasn't breathed word one about where he stashed the loot since his arrest. Suddenly, Donny (Morris Chestnut of "The Best Man") and a commando squad ambush the guards, occupy Alcatraz, and postpone Lester's death. Donny wants to abduct Lester. When their helicopter crashes into a cell block, however, Donny takes Judge McPherson hostage and bargains with the FBI to swap her for a chopper. Meanwhile, Sasha escapes and goes gunning for Donny.

Sexy Nia Peoples of "The Blues Brothers 2000" and two-gun toting Claudia Christian distinguish themselves in supporting roles respectively as Donny's bad girl gunsels and Christian as a trigger-happy Fed. The casting of Linda Thorson as a kidnapped Supreme Court Judge should delight "Avengers" TV fans. Remember, Thorson replaced Diana Rigg on the classic British 1960s TV series. Aside from reactivating Alcatraz, "Half-Past Dead" breaks no new narrative ground. Nevertheless, director Don Michael Paul keeps both sides blasting away at each other more often than talking, making "Half-Past Dead" the most supercharged, hyper-kinetic actioneer since the Antonio Banderas & Lucy Lui bullet opera "Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever.".