Review of Gordy (1995) by Michael G — 08 Mar 2010

I've seen bits and pieces adding up to most of the movie that is known as Gordy on cable over the last month or so and I think it's safe to say this is one of the worst movies ever made. Picture a corn-fed, white trash, extra-chromosome boasting version of Babe.

Just make sure you strip it of any creativity, suspend any and all disbelief then feed it a obscene amount of high fructose corn syrup and the worst parts of American culture. I know its a kids movie, but kids are not stupid and what you feed them now shapes who they turn out to be later.

I swear, it should be a law that any and everyone who had anything to do with this movie should be hunted down and kicked until they're dead. With the exception of Roy Clark and Boxcar Willie. Their appearances don't excuse the vileness of this movie though and despite my utter hatred for this movie I'll watch it until the end if I see its on TV.

(And really? Who names their kid Hanky? "Come on, Snotrag! Let's go to the tractor pull!") If an alien culture was to come down to Earth, hell-bent on destroying us and mentioned it was because of Gordy I would surrender.

Completely surrender...