Review of Fritz the Cat (1972) by Paul C — 02 Jul 2008

This movie really makes you think about promiscuity and the rise of feline aids.

If all cats were as cool as Fritz then there would be absolutely no one with dogs.

I want a pet that starts socialist race driven revolutions, gets high and fucks every stray animal in the neighborhood.

To honor the memory of Fritz, who I assume is now dead, here's a list of the Top Ten Cats of all time.

First the honorable mentions:

Eric Cartman's "Kitty" - Starred in one memorable episode in which she took part in an orgy, pretty good but lack of appearances and funniness keeps Kitty out of the top ten.

Puss N' Boots - Funny and everything, plus I really like Banderas, however gotta take points away for being an add on sequel character and not being as funny as Donkey.

Eek - A poor man's Garfield, this little blue guy had some good bits, but is no more than a forgettable Saturday morning cartoon footnote.

Brave Heart - Toughest of the Care Bears...but he's a Care Bear, a show about bears and they have a fucking Lion on it...Bullshit!

10) Garfield - I would rate him higher, but hes a two trick pony, he makes Odi look dumb (so funny) and is lazy, the best part of Garfield are those mouthy mice, the rest is watered down comic strip lameness.

9) Mufasa - Loses major points for being a Disney product, this guy shows how to raise a fucking kid thats for sure, an ideal father, he really makes you hate that shit-head Scar.

8) Cringer - fuck Battle Cat, Cringer is where it's at, regardless that he's a direct rip off of the Lion from Wizard of Oz who doesn't want a green tiger for a pet.

7) The Samurai Pizza Cats - read the name again and think about what exsactly that means, then think about how I have the audacity not to place them first on this list (especially after watching their credits on Youtube).

6) Aslan - I like Lions, I like magic, he's a giant magic lion, and he's tight with Santa, imagine the hook-ups.

5) Fritz - Here's my boy, I can relate to this cat...student, radical, mammal...Good cat, fuck Robert Crumb if he doesn't like the movie version, he's just a bitter-Betty.

4) Sylvester Junior - you'd think maybe Sylvester Sr.? hell no, I don't care for losers, that cat couldn't even achieve his one goal to eat Tweety Bird. Junior however, had the compassion to just eat normal food. Since he was a mammal with higher brain functioning he could clearly operate kitchen materials and saw no need to hurt another mammal, hows that for a message.

3) Looshkins - Drove a tank through his owners living room wall just to kill his arch rival roommate (the owners teddy bear). Not only does Looshkins succeed every issue of Bear, but he's also the funniest character and takes shit from no one.

2) Scratchy - I just said I don't care for losers, but this losers mistakes have made me laugh so many times that I have to overlook them, plus he has been successful a few times ( watch the DVD's) so I'll let it slide.

1) Hobbes - Was there any doubt? the funniest, smartest, cutest and best paired cat on this list, he has a perfect sidekick who isn't inferior nor superior in Calvin and together their shenanigans are both hilarious and thought provoking.