Review of Friday the 13th (2009) by Metalpunka7X — 14 Aug 2009

This movie is terrible... I can't believe one of my favorite slasher movies got terribly reanimated into this festering pile of s*#%... Granted, I wasn't alive when the original came out, but when I was of age, I started with the classics.

.. F13 was very cool, and got me hooked to the genre.... When I heard that it was being remade, I was excited to see what they could do with modern technology.... Unfortunately, when I saw Michael Bay's name attached to it in the opening credits, my heart was shattered.

.. All I could remember was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, where his "producing amazingness" turned it into an abomination of film... I couldn't see how THIS FILM could do the same (sarcasm *hint* *hint*).

Surely, after 20 minutes, I was correct in my assumption.... When the characters were introduced, I only had a connection with one... Jason.... For obvious reasons, I could see his motives for vengeance.

.. However, the other character's personalities made them forgettable, and just downright annoying... As a viewer, I just wanted to see the teenagers killed as fast as possible, and I wanted the movie to be over.

.. The teens had no variety, because they just got drunk/high, and were naive as hell.... Let's talk about the death scenes, shall we? People critisize the Saw franchaise for "senseless killings," but one overview of these, and they would think differently.

.. No variety, whatsoever, to them leads me to suspect that they rehashed some old killings to attain to a younger, and obscenely naive, audience. Granted, I am in that audience range, but my mind is above the majority.

.. A machete there, an axe here, it just all got so old... There wasn't anything that made me say, "That was something else..." It's the same stuff that we've seen before, and I can't believe people bought into this.

.. Entertainment Weekly rated this "film" a 75, and I have one question for them? WHY!? Were you under the influence while watching this? Was it just that amazing? When Saw films are rated so low, this gets a higher rating than them?!? OK, I'LL ADMIT! The Saw films are a different subgenre of horror, but ITS HORROR PEOPLE!!!! We get scared, and that's what horror is about, being scared.

.. My adivce, go watch Saw 1-5, because you will be scared better, and get a better story with characters to connect with.