Review of Five Minutes of Heaven (2009) by Joe T — 04 Mar 2012

Soooooo booooring can't feeeel my leeeeegs make it stop arrrrrgh... Sometimes I get tired of a movie telling me how dramatic it is. I can only hold my breath in slow-motion suspense, aching with the characters in their agony and frustration, for so long without dialogue, development, plot, or, you know, ANYTHING interesting.

Liam Neeson's character has some life to him-- but then you'd have to shoot him up with horse tranquilizers or something to make him give a bad performance, regardless of crappy material-- but both characters seem flat and disconnected, along with the rest of the film.