Review of Fantastic Four (2015) by Harry W — 01 Feb 2016

Once excited about the notion of a new big-budget Fantastic Four movie that featured the presence of Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan, I ended up watching it when I heard neverending critical scorn and so I had to learn precisely what rendered it to terrible.

Faster than Johnny Storm can fly, audiences will realize that The Fantastic Four is anything but fantastic. Before the story can actively allow audiences to get a sense of the situation, it already hurls its characters into an overdriven pace. A good superhero movie knows how to pace itself appropriately. If it is going to be commercial and blockbuster-oriented, then it needs to be fast and action packed. If it is intending to be a really atmospheric piece, it has to sensibly moderate character building with spectacle. With Fantastic Four, there is no sensibility in the pacing.

The fact that the story gives no time before it throws viewers into a point in Reed Richards' life where he is a child who speaks of exceeding interest in scientific discovery before being shot down by his teacher is not just cliche, but it makes no sense whatsoever. To characterize him as a child prodigy is one thing, but to turn him into a paper-thin cartoon character building a teleporter in his garage after failing to "build a flying car" is a new level of juvenile. The film has not even given audiences two minutes before it is already doing this. One of the first lines in the film is "When I grow up, I want to be the first person in human history to teleport himself". That should tell you how instantly the film just throws plot dynamics at viewers. And the decision to make the line "It's clobberin' time!" a line used by Ben Grimm's older brother upon attacking him is just a massive slap in the face for fans of the comic book series and people with any sense of intellect anywhere in the world watching this film.

Before the film reaches ten minutes, Reed Richards and Ben Grimm have created an advanced teleporter as teenagers, been disqualified from the Science Fair by the voice of Homer Simpson and then given a scholarship. It all goes by in a senseless rush, and yet this is misleading because straight after than the pace takes a sudden drop. From there, there is more than half an hour of characters just building a teleporter and discussing unappealing scientific jargon and tedious character subplots which have a real lack of practical drama. The characters don't actually gain their powers until halfway through, and by that point many viewers will have stopped caring anyway. Alas, I decided that despite my pessimism I would soldier on.

After they get their powers, there is suddenly a massive ellipsis which jumps significantly ahead in time, and we see the characters have learned to use their powers through very brief clips of footage. The story points out that they are being utilized as tools of the military, and this brief segment shows impressive visual effects to boot. For a $120 million film I would expect nothing but the finest visual effects, and the film does boast some top notch CGI, particularly in the design of The Thing whose detailed stone shell, stature and movements are all very effective. The Thing gains special props for being so much more convincing than the cheesy prosthetic worn by Michael Chiklis in the Tim Story films. And yet, the quality of the visual effects just makes the experience of the film so much more disappointing when Josh Trank can't find anything to do with them. Despite the production values of the film, the $120 million production that is Fantastic Four would rather rush through a story plagued by too much talking and too little action. The action scenes are the best moments in the film because the combat the characters engage in proves entertaining, but there is never slightly close to enough of it. The film reverts back to talking very fast, and even though the titular team are now working with the military, they are put to no use. After an extremely brief moment where audiences see that Mr. Fantastic can be put to use with an effective use of his powers in the action, the film reverts back to its meandering path of tedious character conflict. The action is kind of thing audiences are going to actually want to see, and the fact that nobody bothers to acknowledge that really weighs down on the experience even further. The best scene in the film is its final action climax, though this has nothing to do with the narrative. The action climax is extremely brief, bereft of any genuine feeling and just an example of wasted funds values on a film which could have donated its funds to far superior material trying to enter production as we speak. And in the blink of an eye, it's over, as is the entire film. The feeling I was left with was worse than when I experienced Gavin Hood's adaptation of Ender's Game. Ender's Game used a misleading narrative to leave the viewer feeling like they were waiting for an action climax only to be told they had already experienced it. That pissed me off. And yet, Fantastic Four offered a different way to achieve the same result. The film is a mere 100 minutes long and spends the time dashing through many plot points while dragging on for others, rendering the already-thin narrative one which just collapses in on itself. And as a result, the story goes nowhere. So when the film reaches its sudden climax, it feels like the story is simply at a midpoint where it is suddenly turning everything around with a conventional burst of action. In actual fact, this is the end point in the movie, meaning that Fantastic Four ends just before the point in time that most films would call their halfway point. It's incomprehensible to the point that it's hard to describe, but it's the kind of feeling I've never really had before. It's one I never wanted to have, so I would advise you not to watch the film to experience it.

Frankly, what's ridiculous is just how Fantastic Four manages to be both similar and different to the 2005 rendition and still mess up both parts. The lack of action is the same mistake made by Tim Story with his first Fantastic For movie, and I just don't get how a film with a $120 million budget ends up so lifeless and short on action. I mean, where else is there for the money to go? It's certainly not into the screenplay because the writing is pathetic. The saying "talk is cheap" applies here because the dialogue has no dramatic heft to it, nor does it put any interesting characterisation into those being depicted. As it is, the film's intro gives a cheesy characterisation to Reed Richards and Ben Grimm before audiences are left with subpar glimpses into the lives of Sue and Johnny Storm. The former is especially strange as it conflicts with the grim and serious tone of the rest of the film. Unlike the 2005 film, Fantastic Four really takes itself seriously as a legitimate character piece even though it clearly has no idea what the concept of "character" actually is. This doesn't help the cast because they are forced to play figures that are too young to maintain fidelity to the source material. Even though they are clearly talented actors, it is clear that with everything else in the film working against it. There is no saving Fantastic Four or even the cast, but they do prove to take a stand for their own credibility.

Miles Teller delivers a somewhat charismatic performance as Reed Richards. He is instinctively able to capture the appropriate mindset for the character because his tone of voice ensures that the way he delivers the scientific-related dialogue in the film feels really natural to the character. Miles Teller is easily able to convey the intelligent nature of the character, but he also makes a decent impression during the action. What little action he is assigned proves to be something he works with as he picks a convincing punch in the face of either the military or Doctor Doom. He does it during a short period of screen time which is an effective boost for his credibility. And though there is no room for development or genuine emotion in the part, Miles Teller does what he can within such boundaries and delivers a solid effort.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about Kate Mara. Condemned to having the most melodramatic character in the story, Kate Mara is doomed from the start because she is constrained by blatant repetition. There is little appeal in her, and her chemistry with Miles Teller has no flair. While Jessica Alba was a terrible Sue Storm, at least she was sexualised to a point where she had some sense of value. With Kate Mara, the writers respect her enough not to condemn her to playing a one-dimensional sex object but not enough to give her a genuine character to work with. Kata Mara's legitimate talents as an actress are not valued enough in Fantastic Four and she has little to offer in terms of gimmicks so she is simply a boring presence.

Michael B. Jordan also delivers a decent effort, though the character he is served with is pathetic. I have little concern with the race of Michael B. Jordan in casting, but it is unfaithfulness to the source material and changes Johnny Storm from being Sue Storm's biological brother. Now, she is his adopted sister and so the relationship changes. There is not even an attempt to characterize any kind of familial bond between them. And at the same time, the sense of comic energy that made Johnny Storm the one good thing about the 2005 Fantastic Four film is diverted into mild elements of African-American stereotyping for the sake of humour. It is too restrained to lay down any effect and too wrong for the character to do anything but cause viewers to question the film even more. But still, what's obvious is that Michael B. Jordan is a strong actor because he makes the attitude of Johnny Storm feel genuine while making a naturally likeable character out of the part. Also, when the visual effects set him ablaze, he really embraces the nature of his superpowers and flies with determination to throw fire in the face of adversity. Michael B. Jordan's natural charisma transcends the blank slate he is thrust upon in his portrayal, and so he has mild appeal despite being far from a true Johnny Storm.

And Jamie Bell follows the same meandering path as he bears little resemblance to either Ben Grimm or especially The Thing. The man is the actor from Billy Elliot playing an overtly masculine figure of stone, failing to capture any sense of brute physical strength in the part. And also, his voice is clearly mismatched for taking on The Thing because it lacks the dank level of booming brute strength to be capable of delivering the iconic line "It's Clobberin' Time" with any sense of actual power behind it. Jamie Bell hides behind visual effects for most of the film, but whether he is on screen or merely voicing a CGI creation, he makes no such impact.

Toby Kebbell also proves to deliver a lifeless and shallow effort.

So though Fantastic Four has some of the right cast and visual effects, they are used exceedingly minimally while playing second fiddle to a pathetically written and incompetently paced excuse for a story.