Review of Fallen Angels (2007) by Robert B — 15 Feb 2012

Fallen Angels (Jeff Thomas, 2006).

Relatively silly haunted prison flick that garnered minor attention for featuring a couple of name stars, Michael Dorn (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Bill Moseley (House of 1000 Corpses), and the late Kevin McCarthy (the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers). None of them, of course, has a really prominent role here; that would have broken the movie's shoestring budget. As would have hiring a competent editor, it would seem.

Plot: a long-abandoned prison slated for demolition turns out to have been the site of a number of child murders many years ago. We eventually discover (given that this info is in the IMDB description written by the writer/director himself, I'm assuming it's not a spoiler) that the murderers are the seven fallen angels of the title, each of whom has dominion over one of the deadly sins. (Just once, aspiring directors, I'd like to see this plot with the twist that each of the fallen angels is responsible for one of the seven cardinal virtues, which seem far more sinful to me...) And since their turf has been disturbed... you can guess the rest, I've no doubt.

This movie is chock-full-I mean painfully chock-full-of should-have-been-awesome cameos. Add to the names above Michael Berryman (the original The Hills Have Eyes), Ruth Buzzi(!!), Reggie Bannister (the Phantasm franchise), WWE diva Christie Hemme (guess whch fallen angel she plays), Kane Hodder, and a host of others. Thomas obviously set out to use what budget he had to pay relatively famous people to appear in bit parts here, rather than using it to hire folks to whip the script into shape, come up with interesting cinematography, hiring continuity consultants, or anything else that would have taken all those cameos and put them into a coherent, interesting, well-paced, tense, or otherwise watchable movie. Only worth checking out if you're a rabid fan of one or more of those who appear in small parts here, and maybe not even then. **.