Review of Escape Plan (2013) by Matt A — 29 Mar 2014

Well you got two guys in a prison where one of them is taking things too seriously and the other one, you can tell, he just don't give a fuck. I mean you got poor Stallone in hear who thinks he is doing some Shakespeare right now and you have Schwarzenegger who just says, "Relax." So Escape Plan is what I am talking about today, which is great, because any logic of this escapes me already. Nor did this movie had a plan at all. You know I remember a time when people use to say during the early 90's, "Man wouldn't it be cool if Stallone & Schwarzenegger were in the same action movie together? That would be awesome!" And yes it would have been awesome....if they actually did that in the 80's or 90's when the rest of the world still thought a movie like this would have been pulled off. However it seems like this movie is thirty years too late and you just don't really care anymore at this point.

I will admit that when I saw Stallone & Schwarzenegger on screen that you can tell that they were just having a blast. I don't know what it is because they were both in a really bad film, but there chemistry together saved it for me at least. You may think that Schwarzenegger may look like he is giving it all, but in reality he is just dishing out a lot of that nostalgic stuff that we use to love back in the day. The dialogue in this film is really hard to make out at times. Between Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and 50 Cent there are times where you could not understand what any of them are saying. My guess is that 50 Cent's teeth are always getting in the way when he talks. Jim Caviezel plays the warden who runs the place and he really can't act well in this. I sometimes think that he is in a different movie than everyone else. Perhaps he can get away with it on television, but not on the big screen. Oh and you also have Vinnie Jones in here who acts pretty much what Vinnie Jones does in every other movie that he is in. Which is being the main villains right-hand crony, acting all tough, and screaming out things like, "Oui?? Get over here! Shut up, now!" The prison design on this looks like something out of the Phantom Zone or any of those other comic book prisons where they hold all the super villains in. The way this whole prison works, these guards in this look like the robots from THX or Michael Myers with black face. Overall, this movie is one big mess. The plot is convoluted, most of the laughs are unintentional, and the so called "big twist" at the end wasn't that much of a twist. It's your standard action flick with two A-list stars who are the only ones that hold this straight-to-DVD movie together. Which is why I give this film a two star rating.