Review of End of the Spear (2005) by David H — 14 Aug 2004

[b][i]The End of the Spear[/i][/b]- This was a free screening I went to, and it's now the only free advanced screening I've been to where I walked out. It's started as the worst movie ever, then just got really bad, then got really fucking bad, but I wanted to give it a chance, and after two fucking hours of taking its bullshit we walked out. I want my gas money and time wasted back. And I've never wanted it more.

Man, worst movie ever. It's about a tribe in Equador. They're supposedly one of the deadliest tribes ever. And they have wars with other tribes. And in between the wars, we have people trying make contact, but it's so hard because no one has ever made contact without dying. And with these people trying to make contact is a girl from the tribe who wants talk to them. The film is poorly shot, poorly acted, directed, and written. I hope it never comes out, so I don't have to see another frame of it again.

[b][i]White Noise[/i][/b]- Another advanced screening. This is a suspense thriller staring washed up actor Michael Keaton. After a terrible tragedy, his wife dies. A man tells him he's been receiving messages from his wife, though static from a television. Keaton's character becomes obsessed. His wife tells him when bad things are going to happen, so he becomes this hero, saving people from dying and what not.

Lame. The idea is crap. The acting is decent. Deborah Kara Unger ([i]Thirteen[/i]) is the only other recognizable face, and she's all right. There are some decent scares throughout, but ultimately, it's a piece of crap.

[b][i]Catwoman[/i][/b]- Catwoman is a huge pile of shit. For the most part it's so bad it's not even funny. Parts of it are comical, but for the most part it's not. The dialogue is so bad. The cinematography is decent, but the editing is so choppy and unattractive, it kills it. Halle is horrible Ben Bratt is lame. Sharon Stone is decent. This one really is as bad as everyone says it is.