Review of Deep Rising (1998) by Paul P — 07 Jun 2007

Deep Cowflop... :=8P.

"Deep Rising" is a dull, over-long, boring pile of fish chum, sort of a clumsy cross between "Jaws" and "Anaconda".

Treat Williams("Prince of the City", "Things to Do in Denver When Your Dead", "The Substitute") leads a gang of campy no-goodniks through international waters to rob an ocean-liner(!!!), but instead meets the multi-tentacled thing of doom, which is both unstoppable and everywhere at once.

This flick is a groaner from frame 1. Every character is as flimsy as a wet cardboard cut-out, and about as deep. The fx look cheap, the action sequences lack action, and moost of the performers look as if they phoned their lines in.

For example: the CGI effects in this flick simply stink. The monster(whatever the hell its supposed to be) looks like a bad tracing from a video game, and is udderly uncowvincing. Just what is this squishy squid-thing supposed to be? Generic "Monster", from the looks of it. No explanation is ever given, it just cowveniently pops up when things get too dull(which is moost of the film). Like "Anaconda", this is a monster flick which relies heavily on silly, uncowvincing cgi effects, but "Deep Rising" isn't nearly the cheesy hoot that "Anaconda" is.

The actions scenes are dull and cowtrived, and things go boom for no reason in the finest Jerry Bruckheimer tradition. The ending especially, with the wave runner, is massively groan-inducing.

Treat Williams gives his best 3rd-rate Bruce Willis impersonation. this is a guy who used to be such a fine actor - what the heck happen to yer career, Treat?? :=8/.

Famke Jassen("The X-Men") adds a bit of zing to her sparse role, but her presence is wasted throughout the film.

Udders you may recognize in this mess include Wes Studi("Geronimo: An American Legend"), Anthony Heald("Silence of the Lambs"), and Kevin O' Connor("The Mummy").

As a modern-day B flick, "Deep Rising" is just the sort of piffle that ought to go straight to video. The MooCow says this flick can be enjoyed if you leave your brain behind in a jar. Trouble is, moost of these flicks like "Deep Rising" assume that you already do.

Bottom line: Stupid, cowtrived, brainless, & boring. Proceed at yer own risk. :=8P.