Review of Death of a Ghost Hunter (2007) by James J — 30 Sep 2012

The Good: It does end.

The Bad: Many years ago, while viewing a fireworks display on the Fourth of July, I encountered a decomposing human body. True story. Trying to describe how I feel about this film is comparable to trying to describe how bad that rotting person smelled. I am simply at a loss for metaphors and comparisons here - itâ~s just that bad. This movie is so bad in fact, that a body found in a dumpster is the first thing to come to mind for my review. Now thatâ(TM)s fucking bad, my friend.

However, before I go any further, let me say that the Independent nature of this movie is irrelevant to me. I love good stories, regardless of budget. The ability to pen an intriguing story with captivating characters is not governed by how much money you have to spend. That ability is also not related to anything you will find in Death of a Ghost Hunter.

To begin, there are no spoilers to be found in this review that the first few minutes of the film will not divulge; not that the title doesnâ(TM)t spell it all out for you anyway. Suspense or dramatic conclusions be damned, the name says it all. From start to finish, this film spoon feeds everything to the viewer. It is an exercise in overstatement and exposition. It leads one to imagine that the film is aimed towards a viewing audience of people who cannot effectively operate a toaster. Anything above that intellectual level will leave you bored, rolling your eyes, and wishing you were unconscious. It is basically the Blair Witch Project with ghosts as the antagonists, and without location change or originality. There is a funny scene where one of the actors mimics a scene from BWP, but Iâ(TM)ve read that it was an ad lib and so no credit should go towards the writer for that. Flaming bags of poop should go towards the writer.

The story was not the only thing ripped off here though. There is a bit of music that plays incessantly through this 107 minute soul-killer that comes from the Halloween films. Three notes, played slowly, over and over and over again. It is so distracting and annoying that I actually pointed a gun at my computer to make it stop - of course my mind had already snapped by that point so itâ(TM)s excusable. Then came the second act.

The acting here is terrible on all counts, but it can be overlooked because itâ(TM)s a low budget film. You know how you switch off certain judgmental criteria when a child brings you a drawing? Same thing goes here. It was shot in nine days, all in the same house, and probably for a budget of about seventy-five cents so right off the bat you know the acting will be bad; no big deal. Sometimes that makes it all the more enjoyable. Itâ(TM)s the endless exposition, clichà (C) lines, and flat lining dialogue that is unforgivable. The writing is uninventive, unrealistic, and totally contrived. The only thing worse are the special effects that are anything but. Unless of course by â~specialâ(TM) you mean short-bus.

The third (and fourth ?) acts made me want to pour drain cleaner in my eyes. Had my nervous system not shut down by that point, it would be a much blinder man typing for you now.

The Ugly: the worst aspects of this film are itâ(TM)s length and pointlessness. There is also a scene where you think that some big-booby-groping-making-out might happen and they even rob you of that vicarious thrill, leaving literally no benefit whatsoever to sitting through this: the title tells you what is going to happen, the cover of the DVD shows the scariest scene in the film, and itâ(TM)s Blair Witch predecessor/inspiration has already used the premise so there is truly no reason for you to see this unless you are planning to start your own MKUltra project and need something to destroy the minds of your victims.

Old School: I really donâ(TM)t know what to say here. There are actually living human beings who are not associated with this film and liked it anyway. I would not have dared to guess that such a thing were possible, but apparently it is. Whether these people have experimented with trepanning or not, is anyoneâ(TM)s guess. Folks with full frontal lobotomies may enjoy filling their laps with drool while staring at a television upon which this film plays, but everyone else should avoid it.

New Blood: Now here is a group of people who might have a good time watching this film because their lack of horror-movie-watching experience will keep them from recognizing how shotty a rip-off this film is. While being a bane to epicureans, film virgins may not want revenge after seeing this one. My condolences to you all.

Ownage: Rent, buy, pirate or Con? Okay, look; I know that you and I donâ(TM)t know each other so I canâ(TM)t really make a heart-felt plea here, but PLEASE, from the bottom of my heart, I am pleading with you to not watch this film. It is that bad. Uwe Boll should win an award simply for not sucking as much as this film does. The Judas Project is the only greater cine-torture Iâ(TM)ve ever endured and I beg you not to watch that either. If you should see a copy of Death of a Ghost Hunter anywhere, bury it. Donâ(TM)t pay for it or barter, just grab the accursed thing (be it VHS or DVD) run with the wind, and bury it as fast as possible. Drop kick it, THEN bury it. Fini.