Review of Collateral Beauty (2016) by Frame R — 03 Apr 2018

Hahaha this is hilarious, where's the camera, guys?... What? This is a real movie? Huh?

COLLATERAL BEAUTY.

Wow this movie is... deeply uncomfortable to watch! Let's put it in terms that the movie can understand: a movie is like a domino stack, every single thing is dependable on the other. A producer's job is dependable on the director job, a director's job is dependable on his AD's job, and so on and so forth. If you mess up in the beginning of putting a movie together it all crumbles and mayhem ensues. Now, this one started out with the weakest script I've seen this year and obviously couldn't get up. The real question is whose daughter did they have to kidnap to make this talented cast agree to do this? This film has one of the year's best cast (on paper) including the likes of Will Smith, the versatile Ed Norton, the ever-wonderful Winslet, the perfect Dame Helen Mirren and Keira who's one of my favorite modern actresses. Between them, they have 18 Oscar nominations, 2 wins and a future nomination for Naomie Harris (for Moonlight). This cast is the only thing that is solid in this picture but even the respective performances seem meager under such a poor direction. It had no potential from the start, with the nonsensical trailers and posters that could have been made by a wannabe designer in high school. The premise is utterly absurd and the plot, the withered performances, lack of even a mediocre technical achievement, the score, all point to an end with the dumbest twists I've ever seen. What annoys me the most is that some people in the session where I saw it, actually left the theatre weeping which can only happen to a person who either didn't see a lot of movies or is easily moved. The emotion is sold so cheap that it's an insult to the drama genre and, may I say, humanity. "I'm death" is a line in this movie. It's also... an accurate self-description.