Review of Cobra (1986) by Mark D — 02 Aug 2011

Despite sporting one of my favourite '80s action movie covers, Cobra is a truly awful film in almost every way. I place much of the blame for this on the shoulders of Stallone, who (despite being suitable as the bad-ass Marion Cobretti) is credited with writing the screenplay.

..and boy does it show. The dialogue and writing here are abysmal, rising into the "so bad it's good" category only a few times before falling back down into the dumps of bad cinema. Stallone's character is a walking contradiction, as he kills psychopaths left right and centre without a single shred of remorse, claiming that he is the "cure" for the "disease" of crime.

His simplistic assumptions about those he kills show just how flawed he is, as he fails to see that he is every bit as insane as the mentally unstable "psychos" that he kills. One of the things I did find interesting is the fact that, since the key villains are a group of murdering psychopaths who chop up victims with knives and axes, the film almost crosses over into the horror genre in certain scenes where the killers are shown attacking unsuspecting innocents getting into their cars, walking down the street, etc.

This made it feel like an interesting horror-action mixture. Also, Brigitte Nielsen is actually quite hot here as the damsel in distress, and the scene where she is seen modeling with ridiculous robots still stands out in my mind.

All in all, it's pure unapologetic trash, but it's also not the worst thing I've ever seen. It's pretty close though.