Review of Clash of the Titans (2010) by Ryan M — 16 Jul 2012

*1/2 out of ****.

I'm starting to think it's nigh impossible to make a good "Clash of the Titans" movie. The first - and unfortunately not last - was from 1981 and failed to leave anything of an impression on me aside from a few yawns and my admiration for the stop-motion work that gives the film a great deal of its fans. Now there's the 2010 version, directed by Louis Leterrier, which really doesn't have much of a reason to exist other than to upgrade the visual thrills of the original to match the technology of today. Sometimes, a mentality like this can work splendidly when remaking a film that - regardless of how many love it - feels a little bit dated; as exemplified in Alexandre Aja's "The Hills Have Eyes". But Letterior doesn't seem to have big ideas on his mind; and even though he tries to mask it up with a few plot alterations here and there; ultimately, there just isn't enough that separates this and its older counterpart from each-other.

Tell me if you've heard this one before: handsome young hero embarks on an epic quest along beautiful desert landscapes, woos the one love interest, and by the end has saved not only the day but thousands - millions, even - of innocent people. In this case, the hero is Perseus (Sam Worthington); a young man whose family was killed by flying lizards called Furies while at sea. Although they aren't his real family - he and his now deceased mother were sent out to the sea in a coffin by their clan - Perseus still feels a great sense of loss. Before they met their end, Perseus and the crew had witnessed a giant statue of Zeus falling into the ocean depths below the cliff where it stands by some Argos warriors looking to upset the Gods. Needless to say, it works; and the living, breathing Zeus (Liam Neeson) - a God by any other name - asks Hades (Ralph Fiennes), Lord of the Underworld, to teach humanity a lesson in essential decency and respect for your creators.

When Hades finds out that Perseus is a demigod, he sends the hideously deformed Calibos (Jason Flemyng) to kill him so that he may carry out in his plan to release the giant Kraken (almost unrecognizable in comparison to the 1981 "Clash" Kraken) on the world if they should fail to pay their respects to the Gods. Perseus brings with him on this journey an arsenal of highly trained soldiers and eventually a group of mythical soldiers who can control monstrous scorpions that are born of Calibos's blood. Along the way, he meets the girl who shall act as his guide (Gemma Artington), and in the end, he shall learn more about bravery and dignity than he ever had before.

I'm honestly just getting tired of movies like this. Movies that don't even make an attempt to differentiate from the standard fare of their kind. As an action flick, "Clash" definitely deserves some credit; battles with Calibos, his giant scorpions, and the Furies are admittedly exciting. Nevertheless, there's just too much shaky-cam to call it authentic craftsmanship worthy of praise; but hey, I like what I like. And what I don't like is mindless crap that tries so hard not to be. "Clash of the Titans" will most definitely fool the movie-going audiences of today with its special effects ranging from mediocre to fairly solid and its paper-thin story that failed to impress me a second time around for its utter lack of any character development whatsoever or knowledge of Greek mythology. But you know what, it sure as hell did not impress me.

The performances could be compared to cardboard; with the exception of Liam Neeson, who delivers some appropriately hammy dialogue ("RELEASE THE KRAKEN") that feels predictably uninspired but is nonetheless quotable on certain terms. Plus, he sports an awesome beard; and you KNOW you want to see that. Neeson aside, I liked the creatures and make-up, but the film seems to aspire to be a bloody swashbuckler when it insead stays within PG-13 territory. Shame, because if you took out the wooden performances, the sometimes mediocre effects, and the distractingly dumb story; you'd have a decent movie, but only if you increased the brutal body count. As it is, "Clash of the Titans" could be considered a solid visual accomplishment by some; but just the same, there's nothing much else about it worthy of recognition or appreciation.