Review of Children of the Living Dead (2001) by Anthony A — 17 Oct 2009

So, so bad. this movie starts with people shooting zombies, the one semi-competent person dying, and then it's 14 years later, and the zombie king was never found or even looked for. then 4 annoying kids die, their bodies (and their grave robber's body) go missing, and when the cemetary caretaker calls the sheriff, he tells him to call the grave robber's friend.

I know, you thought that investigating crimes was the sheriff's job, but apparently he didn't. and then it's 1 year later. so it's established that this area has a zombie problem, which the very incompetent sheriff (who I suspect has a learning disability) later reveals started in 1968, meaning that every 14 years or so, zombies pop up and kill some people.

and yet, the majority of the people in the area don't take it seriously; they don't train their kids to use guns, there aren't guns in everyone's car and place of business. the girl in this movie seems to think that the sheriff is an incompetent boob, but she doesn't take any responsibility for her own safety.

in fact, she appears to be afraid of guns, and would rather have a screaming contest with a zombie than shoot one. when she finally takes a shot at one, she is literally 3 feet away and misses 4 times.

the dialogue is all terrible, there isn't a single likable or competent character, the editing and continuity is awful (flashlight in hand, then the next scene shows her taking the flashlight off the shelf), and no thought seems to have been given to the plot.

if it's just supposed to be a zombie movie, then why jump forward in time? just start at the beginning of the zombie outbreak and follow it to a conclusion. the zombie make-up was tolerable, but the emphysematic gasping and screeching got old really fast.

and considering all the noise they make, how do they sneak up on people? also, how long can a zombie realistically wear the same suit and shoes without them getting noticeably dirtier and more ragged? I realize that this was a low budget movie, but that's no excuse for bad writing.

it wasn't even funny.