Review of Cemetery Man (1994) by Jason J — 07 Dec 2009

The next time you think you have a bad job, stop and consider Rupert Everett's character in this zombie-comedy-romance-philosophical mess of a movie. The man has to knock the brains out of his graveyard's residents seven days after they are buried (they come back to life) and he falls in love with the same gal three times only to wind up finding himself at a conclusion that is simultaneously brilliant in a stupid way and maddeningly infuriating when it is barely trying to do so.

Actually, the more I think about this, the more it becomes clear that this movie makes no sense, will make no sense in this review and only distracts me from mentioning how hot Anna Falchi is in this and how genuinely hilarious Everett's sideshow sidekick is (which must be a tough emotion to convey when you are carrying around the severed head of a woman you love who happened to meet her end in a tragic bus accident).

And really, what else can you say about this without spoiling the oddities on display? I could mention the ending, I could mention the adamant quest our protagonist goes on to push his luck (think random shooting spree) or I could mention the way this film falls so short of being greater than it is.

Forget the low-budget effects (the "spirits" early on do a great job of lighting the wires they are attached to) and forget the way no one knows what exactly is going on as the conclusion is reached (it would have actually made more sense if the director just stopped the movie, walked on the screen and said "hey, I really have no idea what I was thinking but I wanted to appear existentialist because that sounded cool and wasn't Anna Falchi hot? The end.

"). Everyone looks like their having fun in this, which is a start, but anything that starts so cool and becomes a chore to get through cannot possibly be the esteemed classic most would claim it to be.