Review of Cemetery Man (1994) by John P — 12 Jan 2010

"The living dead and the dying living are all the same, cut from the same cloth. But, disposing of dead people is a public service, whereas you're in all sorts of trouble if you kill someone when they're still alive." - Cemetery Man.

There are movies, and then there are films (so I'm told), and even then there are experiences. I consider Cemetery Man to be an experience like no other. The official title is Dellamorte, Dellamore, which translates into Of Death, of Love. The film is a wonderous mix of Italian visuals and dry, British humor. One would think such an amalgamation would fall apart, especially within the conventions of a horror film. In truth, such a blend produces one of the most original and fascinating pictures I've ever seen.

The story stars Rupert Everett, as Francesco Dellamorte (St. Francis of Death). He's the watchman of the local cemetery, in the small town of Buffalora. It appears that he's more or less set for life. He lives in his own house on the cemetery grounds, and he even has an assistant. Gnaghi (think doggy, but starting with an 'N'), is a quiet, likeable man-child, who loves to eat and has a passion for dead leaves.

Unfortunately, Francesco's world is disrupted by two minor setbacks: In the tradition of Italian romanticism, he longs to find true love. Oh yeah, and the buried corpses of the cemetery keep coming back to life! They try to bite others, turning their victims into zombies as well. It's usually only slightly irritating for him, since a bullet to the head or a sharp blow to the skull puts the bodies down for good. "All in a day's work," he shrugs.

Francesco often thinks about mentioning this epidemic to the town's Mayor, but that would mean a whole bunch of paperwork for him, and the cemetery would eventually be closed down. So, he goes about his business, dispatching of zombies whenever necessary. Eventually, Francesco crosses paths with a mournful widow (stunning Italian model, Anna Falchi). She's never given a name, being referred to in the credits as simply 'She'.

It doesn't take her long to get over her recently deceased husband, as she's making love to Francesco within a couple days of meeting him, and to top it off, they're doing it on the dead man's grave! They seem to be soul mates in a way, but their fun is ruined when her husband comes back to life and kills her. Reluctantly, Francesco must bury his dream girl.

Here's where things start to get really weird. Francesco meets another character, and it looks just like 'Her'! She even tells him she feels as though they've already met. He begs to be with her, but she ends up leaving him for another man. If that's not enough, The Grim Reaper himself shows up and tells Francesco to stop killing the dead. Instead, he should go out and kill the living.

From here on out, the movie becomes what I like to call The Thinking Man's Zombie Film, as it takes us through a drifting state of personal existentialism. We really get inside Francesco's head, and we start to question the events taking place on the screen. This is a good thing, as it demands you to use your brain. People get real upset if a movie asks them to think at all. I say, if you don't want to think, watch some music videos and leave films alone.

The supporting characters in this twisted drama provide the film with all kinds of maddening hilarity. From a bumbling detective who couldn't find his gun if it were in his hand, to an unaffected mayor who only cares about the upcoming elections, to even his daughter who winds up as a disembodied head that follows Gnaghi around. The minute you think the movie couldn't possibly top itself, it slaps you in the face for being so arrogant. Just wait until the end, you haven't seen anything yet! The film's conclusion will knock you on your ass. You might not understand it at first, but that's the fun of it. There's lots of replay value, and you can find the answers you seek (most of them) so long as you pay attention and use your brain.

One of the film's main pleasures are its lush visuals. Often times, it's like a painting come to life, making fantastic use of the Italian setting. The director, Michele Soavi, is a protoge of Dario Argento and it shows in every frame. Rupert Everett doesn't just play the part of Francesco Dellamorte, he embodies it. Apparently, the story is based on a graphic novel called Dylan Dog (I have a couple) and the part was written specifically for him. Check out the pages of the comics and you'll see what I mean. He looks just like the guy.

When all is said and done, you should understand that this film is not for everyone. Many might find it a bit too abstract, or even stupid if they only view it at face value and don't look beneath its many layers. Having said that, if you're open-minded and you want some original entertainment, Cemetery Man will deliver, and then some. Kungfubear out!