Review of Blade: Trinity (2004) by Chris W — 03 Nov 2012

This is the third and final film in the saga concerning the half-human half-vampire (daywalker) vampire hunter Blade. This time around series writer David S.Goyer decided to both write and direct...and the result is really as awful as everyone said it was.

After getting set up and put on the bad side of the FBI Blade joins forces with some younger and inexperienced (though not totally rookie) vampire hunters who call themselves the Nightstalkers. They are lead by the obnoxious motormouth Hannibal Kane and Abigail Whistler, the daughter of Blade's mentor and only real friend. Together, they fight a a gang of vamps who have resurrected Dracula in a quest to dominate mankind once and for all.

The film has a lot of story going on, and, while some of it is cool, the way it's all thrown together and executed is quite poor. The film, simply put, is a mess. All this stuff gets thrown in, yet none of it ever gets satisfactorily fleshed out and developed. Also, the ending is just a real boring letdown.

The film did experience a really troubled production, and lots of people are to blame, but the two who probably deserve it most are Goyer who just totally blew his wad to do something epic, and Snipes who was apparently really difficult ot work with, quite angry with the direction Goyer was taking things, and quite hostile to his costars. It shows too, because ihis performance is one of the most blatantly phoned in and lifeless I've seen in a while. The same can be said for Kristofferson,too.

All the newcomer, which include notable names like Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Dominic Purcell, Parker Posey, Triple H, Natasha lyonne, and Patton Oswalt all seem to be at least trying, but even then, none of them are really able to save things. The film overall is really immature, obnoxious, and stupid, and its obvious this was being aimed at a far younger demographic than the other films were.

I don't mind humor, but the way it's done here is just lame and unpleasant. It's taken way too far, and Reynolds is annoying to the max. Admittedly he does have a few lines that are quite funny, but mostly I just wanted him to shut up. Also, there's some other ridiculous stuff here too, like a reference to a vampire themed vibrator(which is briefly focused on), and the fact that there's a vampire pomeranian. Okay...so the dog is sorta amusing, but still...pretty dumb. I do think that Biel was actually a decent fit though, and I'm not really a fan of her as an actress to begin with.

Despite the plot being a mess, there's plenty of action. Oddly enough though, the film seems rather tame where blood and gore is concerned. I mean, there's some, but it really came off like the studio was really strict about the content, and that's a shame, since it really lessens the impact of the experience.

Here's the thing: the movie sucks..big time, but it does have its moments. It's not really boring, but you don't care either. It is occasionally amusing and entertaining, but remains a major disappointment. What makes this last bit sting even more is that, while some people aren't trying, others are, so it's a real mixed bag. It'd be a lot better if the apathy and screwing up was uniform across the board.

Even if you're a completist, I'd recommend skipping this one. If you must insist on watching it, at least take precautions like getting really drunk beforehand or something.