Review of Baywatch (2017) by Lane Z — 05 Sep 2017

While it pains me physically to review a movie with The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, at such a low caliber, nobody is protected from an honest review. Not even one he's in. Johnson was an EP on this with his ex-wife. I hate to say his collaboration with director Seth Gordon started wonderful from the opening scene before sinking, hard, to the bottom of the ocean for the remaining 110 minutes.

The first comparison that comes to mind is 21 Jump Street. If only they could have revived this franchise like they did that one with the same kind of campiness and bravado Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum brought to the screen, Johnson and Zac Efron seemed a wonderful pairing on paper. Instead, the chemistry was lacking and the jokes fell flat. Efron's character came off too stupid while Johnson's lacked any dimension. The supporting cast was miserable and felt there only as punchlines to jokes that couldn't land right. It was a combination of first-time actors like Kelley Rorbach mixed with established faces in Alexandra Daddario, but it's like they expected more out of the former while giving the latter barely any substance or anything to do. Priyanka Chopra was neither menacing nor imposing as the villain, and the entire story felt rushed and flimsily put together.

Bringing Baywatch back to life felt like a win before it happened. How could you not appreciate the big-bodied studs and the big-breasted ladies, which brought the former actors of the TV show to fame? Instead, everything felt shoehorned into place with abysmal CGI supporting an already boring story. The beach deserved better.