Review of Battleship (2012) by Jonathan B — 27 Nov 2015

So we invited ET to come and say hello and when he did, he's a spiky-chinned, lizard-eyed homicidal maniac with a great big fleet of spaceships to help him flatten us. Mercifully, we have the US Navy to help us out.

Unfortunately, in command we Liam Neeson and that bloke from Ally McBeale and they're just not very effective. We do have Taylor Kitsch and Rhianna on our side, and Rhianna does have a big gun. Honestly this is a dreadfully tedious, inconsequential movie that is way too loud and about 2 hours too long.

I'm normally able to enjoy a popcorn sic-fi spectacular and see it for what it is but Battleship holds no surprises, is nothing new and just set my teeth on edge. Cliche-riddled rubbish.