Review of Battle: Los Angeles (2011) by Joanna B — 01 Mar 2016

When Sci-fi blockbusters assault the senses enough to cause motion sickness and a splitting headache whilst safe in a stationary cinema; its time to buy the industry a tripod and a clue...

In August 2011 meteors begin to fall to earth at an alarming speed in concentrated clusters within five miles of major coastal cities around the world.

Recognizing this as a threat and not a coincidence, military forces are mobilized with precision to evacuate civilians from the likely affected areas. Reluctantly among their corps is the recently discharged and disgraced staff sergeant Nantz (Aaron Eckhart).

Splashing down offshore and unleashing a ferocious bombardment of dominance, the intergalactic intruders storm the beaches. Attacking mankind and showing no mercy from their protective metallic drone shells, LA's Santa Monica becomes a vital last battlefield for an invasion all in the name of water acquisition.

Successfully wrecking mayhem there seems to be only one evident flaw in the hostiles strike; no aircraft. Taking advantage the Air Force military powers-that-be impose a deadline in which to flatten the infected areas and destroy the land-bound threat.

Second in command under a highly inexperienced superior 2nd Lt William Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez), SS Nantz must lead his rumor-laden tension-filled new platoon through the safe zone barrier into enemy territory on a rescue mission to retrieve trapped civilians before the bombing.

However, the animal/machine hybrid hordes of vengeful aliens have a surprising amount of tricks and when the bombs don't fall, Nantz and his ever diminishing crack-team must figure out a way to get back the upper hand.

Emulating a sci-fi video game in supersized mode with every corny device and tooth-clenching one liner available, this predictable patriotic fare is a clichéd and recycled burning wreckage of hoo-ha (an overused marine term in the film).

The fashionably chaotic hand-shaken camera style is sadly still in-vogue for this genre. Just like last years scarcely known Skyline (who choose the same city to trash) the lazy pyrotechnics, hazy special effects, booming military-inspired score, predictably incoherent shouting dialogue and overly manufactured storyline is less than a cardboard cut-out.

In the thick of the battle's shake, rattle and role is the stereotypical array of ethnic placeholders and characters with the usual demons; a chisel-jawed but disgraced sarge, an overly pompous wet-behind-the-ears lieutenant, a sexy take charge chick (who else but Michelle Rodriguez) and the customary expendables (a soon to be married, moustache guy, intelligence guy etc).

But we mustn't forget the civilians; a father who tries to help and gets hurt, the son who becomes a mini-marine and a useful attractive female veterinarian who seems to know more about these mushroom-headed aliens anatomy than humans and miraculously within 10 minutes whilst under fire finds its heart amongst the goo and determines how to kill them. Wow didn't realize you could fit so many clichés in one film.

The Verdict: A complete loss, the icky gelatinous and vaguely familiar aliens are about the best part of this film as they are only directly on screen for a terse 30 seconds; the length in which I wish I had spent watching this cheesy film.

Published: The Queanbeyan Age.

Date of Publication: 25/03/2011.